Dublin: 5 °C Sunday 29 May, 2022

We need to talk about 'the autumn fetish', and why it cannot be a thing in Ireland

Enough is enough.

NO SOONER HAD the last ray of sunshine been felt across a forehead were people calling for autumn to come imminently.

Yes, the long, hot heady days were enjoyed and quickly forgotten about when social media users continued to romantiscise the season, with it’s scarves and pumpkin spice lattes. 

And I am here to tell you that enough is enough.

Autumn in Ireland and “fall” in America do not share any parallels. They are different worlds. For what ever reason, people on the internet welcome the cold breath of autumn with open arms, tweeting about how much they miss jumpers.

Autumn doesn’t just spell “incoming coldness”. You know what it spells? Rain. Because this is Ireland. That’s what happens in Ireland.

Autumn isn’t leaves dancing in the wind – it’s trudging through leaf slushies. Autumn is coming into the office wearing your gorge new scarf, only to realise that four other people had the same idea as you. 

Listen, maybe this is hyperbolic. Ireland has a relatively mild climate. Our autumns and subsequent winters don’t tend to ravage us. But just consider the global-warming induced summer we just witnessed for a second, and measure our expectations of what’s to come.

We’re still due another few weeks of tangoing between “do I need a coat? No, I should be fine”, and “I will die if I don’t have these 100 dernier tights forcibly removed from my legs”.

The blame for this unwavering, unfounded obsessions with dark colours and knits can be placed firmly at the feet of Pinterest.

Search the word ‘autumn’ and you’ll see what I mean.

Source: Pinterest

Autumn never looks that orange in real life. It is a lie society has been fed through American media. Autumn is mainly brown, occasionally grey.

giphy (1)

It’s understandable want an end to the sweating – the profuse, aggressive kind that this freak summer has forced us to engage in. It’s fine to long for cosyness – it’s pretty much an unspoken level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. 

But let’s also not ignore the reality of the situation – autumn means an end to evenings drinking in the garden wearing minimal clothing, bright mornings that make it easier to get out of bed and days where you won’t question whether you need to turn the heating on or not.

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