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Dublin: 5 °C Sunday 20 January, 2019

13 facts of life for people who are bad with kids

“Do you want to hold her?” “No thanks.”

1. First of all, it’s not that you don’t like kids…

Let’s get that much straight.

giphy (30) Source: Giphy

2. It’s just that you’re really, really bad with them

X4E8W7e Source: Imgur

3. In fact, you’ve been known to inadvertently make them cry

You: *holds child for one second*

Child: *wails*

giphy (23) Source: gif-007/Tumblr

4. You watch other people interact with children and they make it look so effortless

Adult: Hello Charlie! How are you today?

Child: *giggles, makes it clear that he loves this person*

You: Hi Charlie!

Child: *backs away slowly, hides behind Mam’s leg*

giphy (24) Source: moviewhoree/Tumblr

5. But when you do it, it’s a car crash from beginning to end

6. You’ve been known to make funny faces at kids on the bus and get this in response

“Is that supposed to amuse me?”

J8rDqN3 Source: Imgur

7. And you haven’t a notion what kids like to talk about

“So… how about the government formation, eh?”

giphy (25) Source: Giphy

8. You certainly don’t know any good baby talk

You: “Goo goo ga ga?”

Baby: ”Oh man, I feel sorry for you.”

giphy (26) Source: Reddit

9. You have been known to accidentally refer to babies as “it” well after they’ve been born

Thus making yourself seem even more heartless than you actually are.

giphy (27) Source: reactiongifs

10. You dread someone asking you if you want to hold their child

First of all, holding a child without dropping him/her on their head is a lot of pressure. 

Secondly, the child is most certainly going to start crying and you’re going to have to go through the whole, “I think she wants her Mammy!” rigmarole. 

Don’t put your baby through it.

giphy (28) Source: 4Gifs

11. “Em, take this off me, please.”

9v6LJCi Source: Imgur

12. To top it all off, you have yet to master the art of pretending a child’s drawing is good

“Oh lovely!”

dU4PBuF Source: Imgur

13. You’re sure you’ll get better in time.

For now, though, you’re content to admire babies from afar.

giphy (29) Source: Giphy

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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