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beauty and the beeeeast

The Beauty and the Beast remake reviews are in... and they're not great

DON’T RUIN THIS FOR US.

THE BEAUTY AND the Beast remake is almost upon us, and those who were raised on the original movie are chomping at the bit to see if the remake is up to scratch.

The reviews are in and while many of them are complimentary, there have been some rather mean ones. Let’s take a gander, shall we?

Vulture called it “lifeless” and likened it to a photoshoot.

So… you’re saying it’s pretty? WE’LL TAKE IT.

If only Beauty and the Beast were just a collection of stills, like a fancy Annie Leibowitz spread for some glossy quarterly edition of Disney Adventures.

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Collider concluded that the remake doesn’t feel “fresh” and included this burn.

This new version of “A tale as old as time” will have you checking your watch.

IndieWire wasn’t too keen on the message at the heart of the film.

A quarter century has passed since we saw Disney’s Belle fall for the Beast; today, the message that behind every rough man is a charming prince (sorry, Emma) is regressive, if not lethal.

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The Playlist called it a “cynical rehash” intended to earn money and nothing else.

Ultimately “Beauty And The Beast” feels like a cynical rehash seemingly created just to make a fiscal year sound promising to shareholders. This is a product that’s more manufactured than inspired.

The Wrap called it a “star stuffed relay race” and questioned the decision to make Le Fou gay.

Most problematic in this version is an attempt to make Gaston’s sidekick Le Fou (Josh Gad) into a gay character who is in love with his friend. This isn’t a bad idea on the face of it, but it seems like Condon and scriptwriters Stephen Chbosky (“The Perks of Being a Wallflower”) and Evan Spiliotopoulos (“The Huntsman: Winter’s War”) are trying to hedge their bets on this issue, and the result is coy and unconvincing

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But but but! Take solace from The New York Times‘ review:

 Its classicism feels unforced and fresh. Its romance neither winks nor panders. It looks good, moves gracefully and leaves a clean and invigorating aftertaste. I almost didn’t recognize the flavor: I think the name for it is joy.

(It’s also worth noting that it boasts a very respectable 74% rating on Rotten Tomatoes at present.)

The Guardian also noted that it was ” destined to be the centrepiece of a million teen sleepovers” (and, er, grown-up sleepovers) and US Weekly called Emma Watson “goose bump inducing” as Belle.

And that’s all we really want, isn’t it? A nostalgic (and easy on the eye) throwback to our childhoods with pretty costumes, singing cutlery and romance.

Plus how bad can a film be if it has Emma Watson, Ewan McGregor, Emma Thompson, Stanley Tucci and Ian McKellen? That’s a recipe for happiness right there.

In fact, let’s take a moment to enjoy this photo of Emma Thompson having a goo at a nudie statue. G’wan Emma.

Beauty and The Beast Launch Event - London Matt Crossick Matt Crossick

Sod the bad reviews.

We won’t let them ruin this for us. We’re going to see it and we’re probably going to buy a teacup.

LET US HAVE THIS.

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