BE LIKE BILL is the worst thing happening on Facebook right now.
That’s because Be Like Bill sums up everything that is annoying about Facebook, and your feed there.
Here’s why.
1. Bill is smug
Bill, on the face of it, is all about promoting appropriate online behaviour. The very raison d’etre of Bill is to call people out for doing annoying stuff on Facebook. To improve the online space.
But here’s the thing: it’s not about getting people to change their ways, is it? Can you imagine anyone altering their behaviour because they saw a Bill meme?
Of course not. That’s not what Bill is about. The purpose of Bill is to display the fact that you – the person sharing the Bill meme – know better. That you understand whatever advice he’s peddling, and you sit with Bill on the very summit of the moral high ground.
Bill is like atheist memes. Don’t be like Bill.
2. Bill is patronising
Seriously, the only people who do things like the stuff Bill calls out are the crazy aunts who lurk on Facebook posting overlong birthday messages and memes about military heroes. Do we really need this advice?
(If the answer is yes, refer yourself to the crazy aunt hospital immediately.)
Bill is like inspirational quotes on photos of beaches. Don’t be like Bill.
3. Bill is… totally incoherent
‘Bae’ is a word that emerged from black culture in the US. The fact that it’s Danish for poop is absolutely neither here nor there. Nobody’s forcing Danish people to say it.
The word ‘kiss’ means ‘widdle’ in Swedish, but is anyone campaigning against that on Facebook? No, of course not. Shut up Bill.
Bill is like those stupid copyright hoaxes. Don’t be like Bill.
4. Bill is weirdly opinionated and snobby
OK, you may not like Jersey Shore. But why make ‘not liking Jersey Shore’ part of your identity? Is it really that important to you? Does it upset you that other people get enjoyment from it?
It upsets Bill.
Bill is like those people you’ve been meaning to unfriend since about 2009. Don’t be like Bill.
5. Bill is wildly inconsistent
Bill on kindness, today: be kind!
Bill on kindness, yesterday: being kind is for losers!
Bill doesn’t actually have any concrete positions on anyone or anything. He just has a few words that sound good. Like those Minion memes, you’re not supposed to actually THINK about anything Bill says, just sort of… endorse it.
Bill is all over the gaff. Don’t be like Bill.
6. Bill is monetised
You didn’t think this was all for charity and human kindness, did you? Course not.
Bill is like the promoted posts that clag up your feed like hair in a plughole. Don’t be like Bill.
7. Bill is everything that Bill professes to hate
Er… we have a grade one irony spillage over here. Cleanup teams to aisle four.
Bill hates annoying stuff on Facebook? Bill IS annoying stuff on Facebook. Don’t be like Bill.
