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Let's Talk About Sex

The characteristics of the Parental Sex Talk

Aside from general embarrassment, of course.

THERE IS NO doubt that one of the hardest parts of modern parenting is ‘the talk’.  It is also one of the hardest parts of being a modern child.

No one wants ‘the talk’ to happen, and yet, it has to, unless you want to risk the consequences.  And let’s face it, risking the consequences is not a great idea.

Whether you’re the talker, or the talkee, the entire exchange is horribly uncomfortable.  Here are the characteristics of a parental sex talk.


She likes to play scared dog - Imgur Imgur Imgur

This will begin long before the talk commences. In fact it may even begin before the talkee is born.

Mild panic


Upon realising what exactly is happening, the talkee will begin to panic.  They will look around the room, taking in the exits, and frantically trying to come up with a reason to leave.


shutterstock_51079777 Shutterstock Shutterstock

The entire exchange will be shrouded with awkwardness.  The talker will probably attempt to make the odd joke, to try and relax the situation, alas, this is one conversation during which jokes only serve to make the whole thing more awkward.

Everyone within hearing distance of this conversation will feel awkward, and that awkwardness will stay with them for days, if not months and years.

Unfamiliar language


This will probably be the first time certain words are uttered by the parties involved in ‘the talk’, and some of the terminology may actually require explanation.

Painful, painful explanation.



No terrified parent is going into this situation alone, oh no, they need learning tools.  It may be a book from 1972 that was given to them by their parent, or a bunch of bananas and a box of condoms (that actually happened to a member of the team).

One thing’s for sure, the talkee will have a souvenir of this precious moment.


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The talkee will almost certainly try to convince the talker that the talk is not at all necessary.

Seriously Mam, you don’t have to do this. No, really, you don’t. SERIOUSLY.

The talker will try to convince themselves that the talk is not at all necessary and that they’re only doing it just in case the day eventually comes that the talkee requires the information.

Eye rolling


Lots and lots of eye rolling.  It’s likely that the person giving the talk has never felt as uncool as they do in this scenario.

Uncomfortable questions


So… have you… do you… have you… experienced… this?
Do you and mam use condoms?
Do you think you need to go on the pill?

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