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14 bitter truths that will ruin your childhood memories

Apologies in advance.

1. Mario isn’t being heroic on the cover of Super Mario Bros, he’s dying.

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2. And all of the animals you loved are now dead

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3. Aladdin wouldn’t work

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4. Also, Beauty And The Beast doesn’t make any sense

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So I’m rewatching Beauty and the Beast and I noticed something. We need to talk about the Beast’s backstory here.

The curse is set to become permanent on the Beast’s 21st birthday.

The movie is set very close to that time. Thus, the Beast is 20 years old.

Lumiere states that it has been ten years that the curse has been in place.

Which means that he was TEN YEARS OLD when he was transformed into a beast. You can say this is Disney not really thinking things through, but then remember that he couldn’t read either. If he had already been an adult or even a teenager, wouldn’t a prince have already learned to read?

He was a ten-year old prince who apparently had no parents but no shortage of servants who apparently.

DID THIS WOMAN REALLY EXPECT HIM NOT TO BE A SPOILED BRAT?

To recap: We have this ORPHANED CHILD PRINCE. This random woman decides to knock on his door for the sole purpose of testing him – a total stranger, in his own home. And she curses this ORPHANED CHILD PRINCE because she apparently thinks she’s some sort of messiah.

How many kinds of f****d up is that?

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5. This was Rocko’s actual job

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6. Sid in Toy Story built himself a hooker

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7. Megatron’s ‘trigger’ was… how can we put this?… strategically placed.

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8. And on the Marauder’s Map in Harry Potter, you can see two people having sex.

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9. Just think about this troubling suggestion

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10. And the fact that the Teletubbies’ house…

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… has now been razed and turned into a lake:

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11. The voice of Lilo from Lilo and Stitch is the terrifying young girl from The Ring.

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12. This is how bleak Rugrats actually was

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13. Not to mention Back To The Future

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14. And finally, Toad WAS NOT A MUSHROOM.

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Sorry.

Watch this child win $30,000… and stay ice-cool>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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