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Dublin: 8 °C Thursday 22 November, 2018
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25 things I learned from Copper Face Jacks: The Musical

WOOPS I’m back.

COPPERS THE MUSICAL is as much craic as you’d expect it to be. HOWEVER, if you haven’t seen it yet and plan to, you might be in for a slight spoiler or two here.

Nothing major on the plot, just a few surprises. Read on at your own peril.

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As a KEEN Coppers attendee back in the day (who am I kidding, I still kinda am), I was interested to see how authentic a musical written by Ross O’Carroll Kelly creator, Paul Howard, would be.

Surely Ross has never darkened the doors of Coppers?

But still, it was unsurprising that a musical about the beloved Harcourt Street nightclub was as joyous and funny as expected.

So, what did I learn from the official opening show last night?

PastedImage-29901 Source: Leon Farrell, Rollingnews.ie

1. The music before the curtain opens, in itself, is made for Coppers 

Excuse me, can we move these seats to get a dancefloor going on in here?

2. Your man from Love/Hate and Fair City is actually the spit of Conor McGregor

I know that’s the idea, but he could get himself a nice little nixer on the side here. Johnny Ward plays Gino, a Dublin footballer with a phobia of people from Kerry. It’s not that uncommon, really.

3. Noleen, the protagonist of sorts, reminds us all that this is Aisling’s world, we’re all just living in it 

Oh my GOD, what a complete Aisling she was. She does however fall in love with Gino and gives him the ride. Would Aisling do that? Unlikely.

4. The VHI is aspirational 

Noleen moves up to Dublin from Kerry in order to take a job in the VHI claims department. She sings a lovely song about it and, here, I’m applying tomorrow. Six weeks paid leave? The glamour of it all.

PastedImage-69650 Source: James Horan/RollingNews.ie

5. Dubs adding t at the end of words is a lot funnier than I realise on a day-to-day basis

Gino keeps referring to Noleen as ‘Noleent’ and it’s as funny as it is endearing.

6. O’Neills can still be found in Cahersiveen 

Team them with a denim jacket and you’re ready to go out on the lash.

7. Garda are from Kerry, Dublin, or gay

Ah yes, the three genders.

PastedImage-30306 Source: Leon Farrell, Rollingnews.ie

8. Mickey Finns is a culchie’s drink of choice 

Really? Sour apple? You rotters.

9. Clampers are heartless bastards 

Gino is a clamper, and he’s a heartless bastard. There’s even a song about him. I didn’t actually JUST learn this, so should probably take it out.

10. If you get an American pregnant during a one night stand, they WILL find you through Liveline

Learn this lesson now lads, before it’s too late.

11. Joe Duffy fixes everything 

Joe Duffy is the Horiato Caine of Ireland.

12. The five Megamix is still an absolute belter 

Never in my life did I expect to hear it during a musical.

Source: playthatbeat/YouTube

13. Maniac 2000 can literally get any Irish person on to their feet in seconds 

Just wait until the bows, you’ll be prebooking your taxis to Harcourt.

14. Feminists working in the Dublin media made up female orgasms 

Not this site, for certain.

15. Check shirts and bootleg jeans are still being worn in Dublin

Didn’t you read the rules at the Red Cow roundabout?

16. A lot of the crowd will have never been to Coppers, guarantee it

It’s absolutely possible to enjoy it as much as the youngster beside you with a gold card, though.

17. You can apparently afford an apartment on Harcourt street with an entry-level civil service job 

SOUND.

18. Your perception of Fungie the Dolphin will change forever 

We won’t go into this too much but, poor Gino.

19. People from Kerry have blue skin 

I would have said red, but sure.

20. Wind turbines are worth a lot, and you can milk them 

OK I should probably mention now that Noleen had a fiance in Kerry, Mossy, before she rode Gino. He owns some wind turbines and is set up for life. Pity he’s a knob.

21. People do dance routines in Coppers 

Really? Are we sure we’re not straying to Irish wedding territory here? I’ve never heard Proud Mary or the Macarena in those halls. But then again, maybe I have. It’s Coppers! Like I’d remember.

22. There is a place in Kerry named Cahersiveen and it takes 10 hours in a micra to Dublin 

This place is about to get a lot more tourism.

23. I learned that you could win the all Ireland with a belly full of drink

Well, if Gino thinks he can, that’s all that matters.

24. Coppers would be a great place to give birth 

All those nurses really did come in handy.

25. Finally, Coppers is some craic 

Well, at least the musical is.

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