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Dublin: 23 °C Tuesday 4 August, 2020

19 of the greatest Cosmo sex tips ever published

“Professor Wankerton, I’ve been bad and I need a spanking.”

WHEN HUMAN CIVILISATION is gone and the Earth lies covered in a grey dust, only Cosmo sex tips will remain.

Here are their greatest hits.

1. The Fork

Source: @allyson_meghan

As if you’re testing a steak.

2. The Sneak Pepper Attack

Source: @eevil_abby

Men love NOTHING better than having pepper thrown in their faces on the verge of orgasm.

3. The ‘Professor Wankerton’

Source: @emmicorn


4. The Ouch Ow What The Hell Is That

Source: @LorynBrantz

To up the stakes, use Lego bricks instead!

5. The Sex Dreidel

Source: @ojagl4

Or just say it a few times. “Sex Dreidel”.

6. The Wimbledon Final

Source: @NerdEfiko

“Like you’re volleying a tennis ball” is a great approach for lots of things during sex.

7. The How Would You Answer The Door Though

Source: @ladysnowbl00d

It is literally impossible to imagine this scenario working out well.

8. The WTF Even Is This

Source: @sousugay

“Pretending that you’re really digging around for that coinage you need” – super sexy.

9. The Classic Willy Donut

Source: @Shay_Moneyy


10. The Grade A Dinner Bantz

Source: @angrysestra

Then imagine him trying to keep a straight face.

11. The Sticky Hairs

Source: Tumblr

This was NOT the version of Rapunzel I read as a kid.

12. The Insanity Of Doing It In An Actual Canoe, With Diagram

Source: @RoarItsBecca

Actually unhinged.

13. The Obviously Never Lived In Ireland

Source: @YourPalMyra

Irish version: shout “Storm Clodagh” at the moment of orgasm. (NB: only works if your partner’s name is Clodagh.)

14. The… the… words fail us

“Does it need more salt, do you think? What about a little chilli? Fuck, the pasta is boiling over.”

15. The Guest Tip From Shannon And Kevin

Source: @Kelly_Lynn1123

Shannon and Kevin forever.

16. The Damp Mistletoe

Source: @RosesMcClover

worst. idea. ever.

17. The World’s Most Embarrassing Trip To A&E

Source: Cosmo

Imagine the noise your hoover makes. It’s sexy, isn’t it?

18. The ‘Fun, Casual and Easy-Going’

Source: @annakategwen

This will show him that you are absolutely off your bin.

19. And The Vagina Of Coins

Source: Tumblr


More: 11 thoughts everyone has during sex, not just you>

More: Why shower sex is simply the worst thing ever>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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