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dear fifi

Dear Fifi: My mates don't like my boyfriend, what can I do?

Tuesday! It’s Dear Fifi day.


It’s officially Advent! The countdown to Christmas has begun. And, while there’s plenty of wonderful things about this time of year, it’s also more than difficult for many of us.

If this time of year is throwing up new challenges for you – or some old ones are rearing their ugly heads – then get in touch with me. Email, anonymously, or on Twitter.


Dear Fifi,

Got back with my ex (we broke up amicably) and things are better than ever. Friends still don’t like him even if they won’t admit it. They’re just trying to look out for me but it makes things a bit awkward. Thoughts? 

Firstly, I strongly suggest you desist with the badgering of your friends to “admit” that they dislike your boyfriend. Honestly, one of the finest life lessons is to learn that other people’s opinions of you are by and large none of your business. This goes double if the suspected opinion doesn’t even directly relate to you.

One surefire way to drive a wedge between your friends and boyfriend is by trying to make them verbalise how they feel against their will. Asking once was more than enough. Try really hard not to let it concern you any more, and – while you try in a larger sense to get this to stop playing on your mind – I suggest that you don’t ask them again.

In time, if your boyfriend continues to treat you well and your relationship is good, then they may form a friendship. Or perhaps they won’t. They may have their reasons, or they may just not have a lot in common. That’s fine – they’re not the ones dating him. I’m afraid you can’t tell people how to feel, and you’re better off letting go of wanting to.

As long as they are unfailingly polite to him in social settings, I think you’ll have to just drop this. If they are outright rude, of course, you’re within your rights to delicately bring it up and indicate it shouldn’t happen again.

While it’s undoubtedly a major boon if your other half gets on like a house on fire with your mates, it’s not a dealbreaker, is it?

Try to concentrate on the two most important facts: your relationship is better than ever, and your friends are looking out for you. The rest is just details. Give it time, but in the meantime… give it a rest.


Want to talk?

Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always. 

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