Dublin: 10 °C Sunday 26 May, 2024
dear fifi

Dear Fifi: I fancy my mate... but he's asked me to be his wingwoman

A rare Dear Fifi drop of advice, where Coppers is actually offered up as a solution to a problem, rather than a significant cause of it.


That’s all she wrote, my friends. Our last Bank Holiday. It’s time to hang up those Halloween costumes and get on your more-than-slightly ridiculous festive jumpers.

On the plus side… Mitten season!


Dear Fifi,

Myself and a friend I’ve had a crush on for years are both single for the first time in ages. He keeps messaging me when he’s out asking if I’m around, last week we went for food and shopping together. He compliments me every now and again, in a friendly manner. But he said last night he needs me to be a wingwoman? Is all hope lost?

A ritual as old as female friendship itself.

We sit here, with me analysing your list of this man’s behaviour, picking it apart into clumps of possible pros and cons. This means he does fancy you. This means he doesn’t. 

The frequent messages on nights out clearly portend one outcome, whereas the tea leaves that fell into the ominous shape of a dreaded wingwoman request mean another. Around it goes.

My point is, scrutinising these signs is a hugely enjoyable part of a crush (especially one suddenly charged with real potential after all these years) but ultimately it can’t help you move things forward into reality. All of your careful analysing is being blown into the wind if he’s none the wiser about what you’re thinking.

The uncomfortable truth here is you’re going to have to make a move yourself in some way, shape or form. He evidently isn’t going to. And that’s the risk: either a) he only sees you as a mate, hence no move or b) he fancies you, but isn’t planning on making a move himself – probably for the same reason you haven’t yet. Fear of rejection.

Worst case scenario: being scarlet, a bruised ego, brief awkwardness. If you’re respectful with your oeverture, which you should plot carefully, it likely won’t be anything near a friendship ruiner. The upside is – either way – you’ll know where you stand for good, and you can stop this one-sided dance you’ve been doing.

Tell him how you feel. Take the bull by the horns. That’s not a gross pun, by the way.

(PS – Of course the coward’s way out, AKA how 90% of Irish people opt to get together, is to just respond the next time he texts you on the lash. Let Coppers do what it does best. The grown-up advice is to steel yourself and do it over a coffee, but let’s be real.)


Want to talk?

Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always. 

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