Dublin: 6 °C Friday 23 February, 2024
dear fifi

Dear Fifi: Embarrassing flashbacks, going bald, Twitter crushes and more - it's your quickfire questions

Tuesday, 6pm, same bat time, same bat channel.


It’s coming up to the final clinch time for the referendum on Friday. Trying to think about anything else has been difficult, but of course our problems and worries and hopes and difficulties don’t sleep or shut off. 

They’ll be there thrumming in the background when all of this white noise shuts off after the weekend. But I’ll be here too, to help, if I can.


How embarrassing are Twitter crushes?

Look, engaging with and liking thirst traps is a bit morto. But so is posting the thirst traps, so there’s that. We’re all just flailing around in a whirlpool of shit by even being online, so if you can get a date out of it every so often, who the hell is anyone else to judge?

As with any crush, if you get the no vibe, speedily back off.

Hey, how obvious is it when a guy shaves his head that he’s doing it to save face from his receding hairline? Is having no hair better than having bad hair?

It’s fairly obvious, but also totally understandable. Just look at the coverage of Prince William taking the plunge recently – if anything, people were happy for him. Yeah yeah, call me a soup-taker all you want.

It comes down to this: it’s your goddamn head, my friend. Fuck what anyone else thinks and do what you think looks good.

Every day my brain pops in an embarrassing moment from the past to make me cringe, is there a cure for this?

If you find out, let me know.

Seriously though, try to bear in mind that everyone is staggering around wincing at their own embarrassing moments, and paying absolutely no heed whatsoever to yours. We’re all focused on our supposed failings, but in truth we’re rarely cataloguing those of others. Go easy. No one cares. And try not to obsess either: what’s done is done.

Don’t give those memories any real power over you or how your day is going. Let them float in and out of your brain. Don’t berate yourself for whatever it was you think you did wrong. It’s all been and gone. Bye!

Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time? If so how did you deal with it. If not how would you advise a hypothetical version of you that was in love with two people at the same time how to act?

Firstly, this isn’t about me. Secondly, if you are fooling either of those two people about your real state of mind, then it might be that you’re actually “in love” with no people, not two people.

Love is kindness and love is honesty. Obsession and infatuation can be directed many ways, but I’m not quite as sure about true, long-lasting love. (Unless all of these people are informed and consenting polyamorous people, in which case buy a shared copy of The Ethical Slut and knock yourselves out. God bless.)

This Trump analytics news has me in a quandary about working in digital media, and targeting people with ads. A lot of people are struggling, and I’m trying to fill them with want. Is what I’m doing wrong?

The Cambridge Analytica and Trump scandal does not necessarily mean all digital marketing is “wrong”. What they did was probably illegal, for a start, not merely a mild existential niggle from someone working with Ads Manager. Digital and social is a platform just like print, out of home, TV, direct mail, sponsorship and cinema advertising. It’s how it’s used that can be dodgy, not by definition the medium itself.

That said, if you’re not comfortable working in advertising as a bigger picture and whole (regardless of specific medium chosen to reach people) then think about what would make you happy at work, and start figuring out how to pursue it. It’s up to you. Go with your gut.

Should one ditch all love for films or music made by someone who has sexual misconduct allegations against them?

I can’t tell you the answer to this, because it’s a personal moral decision that one must answer for themselves: can you separate the art from the artist? Are you happy to contribute to that person’s financial and artistic success in the world? Do you stand for what they stand for, for what their art stands for? I don’t know you – so I can’t tell you.

Essentially, it’s an ethical boycott, just one against a producer of artistic output. People commit to ethical boycotts of produce all the time and have done throughout history for lots of diverse reasons. By all means, don’t buy cinema tickets for a Woody Allen flick, while not eating beef, not wearing sweatshop clothes and ignoring Israel in the Eurovision. Or don’t. It’s your choice, so it’s you who should be comfortable with it. This is really a question of larger political leaning and personal morals.

Im 17 and I’m worried that I will never have a boyfriend! All of my friends have been on a least one date… On the other hand, I panic if a guy so much as talks to me! I’m scared that I am simply too shy to ever get a boyfriend. Will socialising with people get easier?

Was I ever so young? Yes, socialising with people will get easier. So much easier you won’t even believe it. Whatever you do, don’t rush yourself or do what you think everyone else is doing. Plough your own furrow, no pun intended. We all come to romance and dating at our own speed. Don’t sweat it. Give it time. Do what feels right and trust your instincts.

Have faith in yourself. You’ll get where you want to be. (Oh, but that feeling of panic when someone you really like talks to you might never go away! But, like, in a good way.)


Want to talk?

Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always. 

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