I hope you had yourself a merry little Christmas, my friends, and if you didn’t then remember there’s a whole new year in store just around the corner.
This week I’m mixing it up a little with Dear Fifi. In the interest of sweeping out my inbox and answering as many of your questions as possible, I’ve decided to do some quickfire questions. So let’s jump in!
I never ask any questions of anybody. Am I a narcissist?
You may be coming off as narcissistic if you don’t put in conversational spade work. But that might mean you’re a poor conversationalist, not a narcissist. The fact you’re aware of this flaw is a good sign.
Try to view a chat like a kickabout. Back and forth – don’t hog the ball. Two player sport and all that. I think I’ve run this metaphor into the ground, let’s move on.
My boyfriend won’t stop farting and it’s ruining our relationship now to be quite honest. He even did it at the table while having dinner with my parents and the mother was absolutely horrified! What should I do? He’s a great guy other than that obviously!
Either he has a stomach complaint, in which case cut him some slack, or the guy was born in a fucking barn. Tell him straight up with absolutely no messing to cut it out and if he doesn’t, then simply envisage yourself dealing with this on your wedding day, child’s christening, parent-teacher meeting, and I dunno… deathbed. Proceed accordingly. Jesus.
Is it always inappropriate for a man to compliment a woman on her appearance in the workplace?
If in doubt, don’t. It’s highly likely to be irrelevant at best and creepy at worst. Obviously use your common sense, but err on the side of caution in case you wake up one day and realise you’re “that guy” many workplaces have.
What is the best opening line on online dating sites from a man to a woman?
This really depends on a case by case basis – by which I mean use the tools available to help you. You’ll have to feel your way to the right question from her profile. Don’t use a standard opening line, don’t say something cheesy and don’t try to be too smart aleck straight off the bat, and my God don’t say something sleazy. But that’s my personal preference (online dating dilettante as I am, admittedly). You’ll have to read from her profile her interests, her vibe.
You can’t go wrong with something specific but not creepily so – ask her how her day was or what her favourite song is or death row meal or whether soup is a drink or a food. If she doesn’t reply, don’t sweat it. It’s more than likely down to factors you can’t guess at rather than your opening line.
I’m a guy that prefers dominant women. And I feel like it’s a real negative sometimes. It’s frowned upon, could be embarrassing, makes it tougher to find a partner. Sometimes leads to awkward situations in encounters. As a whole women generally prefer the guy to be in control. Do I give what I really prefer or carry on fighting a losing battle?
Join a fetish-specific dating site like Fetlife or attend BDSM club nights or meet-ups in your area if you’re not meeting dominant women in the wild. That if it’s a really important thing for you. You’ll have to make the call on how much of a central presence you want this dynamic to be in your relationship and then base your search on that.
What’s your favourite little thing to do by yourself after a crap day?
Depends on how crap the day. Anything from the cinema (a vastly underrated solo pursuit), a Netflix binge, cleaning my apartment, eating something nice – or if it’s a really crap day, consigning myself to bed and getting ready to start over. Sometimes changing your sheets, having a shower and closing your bedroom door to the world fixes everything.
For everything else, there’s a glass of wine and a therapeutic bitch with a like-minded mate.
What’s a good way to deal with guilt or sadness when you’re the one who initiates a break up? Not that you want to get back together, but more that it’s hard to talk about how difficult it can be without friends (including and sometimes especially those in bad relationships) saying ‘well, it was your decision’.
Same way as when you’ve been dumped: power through somehow and realise it will get better with time. And be wise about who you choose to confide in, because not everyone you know gives good advice or needs to know the particulars of your business. Those who understand the shades of grey in relationships will get it.
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Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always.