Dublin: 5 °C Thursday 22 February, 2024
dear fifi

Dear Fifi: I slept with my Dad's mate, what do I do now?

This week, it’s a surprise album drop from Dear Fifi. No wait, it’s actually just another advice column.


I’m off to St Lucia next week on my tod. It’ll be a new experience for me, which I think might be just what I need. New experiences don’t come around often enough, do they? So we’ve got to sink our teeth into them whenever we can, even if it’s small to start – walking home a different route, totally new music. Something! Try it.

You can rest assured that no matter where I am on this godforsaken spinning rock in space, I’ll always be here to answer your questions. Send them anonymously here.

After a very drunken night, I made a mistake and slept with my dad’s friend. This silver fox is 30 years my senior and I’ve known him for 20 years. It was a lot of fun and he wants to see me again but if my dad ever found out he’d be so angry at the both of us! What do I do?

Oh my God, you know exactly what to do. No. No, no, a world of no.

I’ve been writing Dear Fifi for a decent chunk over a year now, and I receive many types of questions that I don’t feel I can answer. Some of them are unanswerable because of the lack of information I have – someone asking me, for example, whether or not their long distance relationship will work. How long is a piece of string? I really can’t advise on those problems.

With your issue, I don’t have much information, but I don’t feel I really need much more. Rarely have I seen an issue so cut and dried. Let’s tackle this in a breakdown format:

  • This man has presumably seen you grow into an adult from a younger age, which is frankly a bit off
  • You’re both running the risk of hurting someone you care about (ie your Dad)
  • The age gap is significant, even leaving out the above

You did something silly when you were drunk, which anyone can do. Not amazing, but shit happens. That said, you yourself characterise it as a “mistake”. You now have the opportunity to make this a one-off mistake and not a pattern of potentially harmful behaviour. Take that opportunity.

The potential to have some fun is there, but the downside would be upsetting someone you love and causing potentially irreversible rifts in a long-time friendship if your actions are discovered (and these things always come out in the wash eventually if they go on long enough). On balance, it doesn’t look even vaguely worth it to me.

Have fun elsewhere and try not to shit where you eat.


Want to talk?

Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always. 

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