1. “Is it Christmas over there, too?”
No, they actually don’t have Christmas in Australia. Well-known fact.
2. “Would there be many Irish over where you are?”
I… suppose? But I didn’t exactly move for the Irish people.
3. “What’s the weather like at this time of year?”
Followed by pronouncements of, “That sounds awful hot” or “I wouldn’t be able for that myself now”.
4. “We must meet up for a pint while you’re here over Christmas!”
You and I both know that we will never meet up for that pint.
5. “I didn’t know you were home!”
Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to send out a press release.
6. “Would you not think of coming back?”
One of the most frequently asked questions. Followed closely by…
7. “You’d be mad to come back.”
That may be the case, but perhaps I would like to come back. Did you ever think of that?
8. “What’s the Guinness like over there?”
This is just an opportunity for you to smugly say that it’s better in Ireland, isn’t it?
9. “Would you still be in touch with [X person who emigrated to same hemisphere as you]?”
10. “And tell us, what was the trip home like?”
As they curl up expecting you to tell a story of a journey fraught with delays and treachery.
“Eh, the plane was grand, I suppose?”
11. “Do they really have barbecues on the beach at Christmas?”
Yes, and I wish I was there right there now.
12. “Ah, it just can’t be the same as being at home, though.”
Okay, you got us there.