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Goin' Dry

11 ways you can outrageously fail at dry January

It’s a long, hard road ahead – and some have already fallen.

DRY JANUARY IS an admirable thing. With the excesses of Christmas over, many like to hunker down for the first month of the year and part of this hibernation process is a shunning of alcohol and what is known as “dry January”.

For some other people though, life just gets in the way of such lofty ambitions – so here are the 11 ways you can comically fail at trying to take on the month drink-free.

1. Talking about it in mid-December

Declaring your intentions mid-way through December just seems premature. Not only will this put pressure on yourself in advance, but people won’t want to hear about it half way through a 12-pub-marathon. Avoid at all costs.

2. Being seduced by the Christmas leftovers

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It’s January 2nd and the Christmas stock of drink seems somehow even larger than at any point over the festive season. Where did it all come from? It’s really one of the major distractions to a clean run at a booze-free start to the year.

3. Forgetting that you committed to dry January *checks date*

You’re half way through that “quiet one” with a friend and you realise you have committed to dry January only two days ago. It’s a heartbreaker.

4. Allowing social functions to get to you


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You can’t walk into a golf club without getting alcohol lavishly thrown at you. Next, the no-caviar-February will be compromised. What next? Tough times for some. *waggles monocle*

5. Convincing yourself that drinking was fun over Christmas

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Tasted good, too.

6. Panicking that dry January will impact on your comedy/social skills

Those jokes you were wheeling out over Christmas were probably never funny though.

7. Mis-interpreting the concept

8. Getting it into your head that you want a drink just because it’s January and you deserve it

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It’s cold. It’s dark. All the Christmas fun has passed. For some, January is the exact month a couple of casual drinks are actually needed. Perhaps a ‘dry August’ would be more appropriate for these folks.

9. Starting to lose all concept of time

10. Trying to ignore the temptation of the invite

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Sometimes, it’s just hard to turn down being sociable.

11. Telling people all about it

Coupled with not going on about it in December, smugly referencing it throughout the month of January might bring you some stares and eye-rolls from friends.

Remember, pride comes before a fall.