OVER THE PAST few years, broadcaster George Hook has mentioned the fact that he has a crush on Pamela Anderson, oh, three thousand times. So much so that it’s become part of his brand.
Let’s relive the cringe, shall we?
March 4th, 2009: George Hook tweets, “I was going to upload me and Pamela Anderson.” It’s unclear what this means or, indeed, what stopped him from fulfilling his threat. Either way, it sounds sinister.
March 29th, 2009: George Hook retires for the night and reveals that his wife believes that he is tweeting Pamela Anderson and Tina Turner. Can you imagine?
August 4th, 2010: More than a year after he opts not to “upload me and Pamela Anderson,” he lists Pamela Anderson as his number one travelling companion ahead of Kathryn Thomas. What a tremendous honour.
November 9th, 2010: George Hook says that he wants 50 Pamela Andersons in his next life.
March 22nd, 2011: George tweets, “Dare I suggest Pamela !!!” The context is unclear.
March 10th, 2012: George Hook reveals that he has given up Pamela Anderson for Lent. How very noble of him.
January 30th, 2013: George Hook tweets about updating his “pics” of Pamela Anderson in his spare time. Imagine Hook having a folder on his desktop named “Pamela Anderson Pics”. Chilling.
July 1st. 2013: George Hook takes a moment to wish a happy birthday to his “beloved” Pamela Anderson and begs her to never age.
November 12th, 2013: George Hook asks for photographs of Pamela Anderson’s new haircut.
November 12th, 2013: George Hook announces that he’s not a fan of Pamela’s new haircut.
January 1st, 2015: George Hook tweets, perhaps wishfully, that Pamela Anderson will send him a good luck message ahead of some sort of… procedure? It reads as though he’s been reading The Secret and wants to send positive vibes into the universe. After all, you can’t get what you don’t ask for.
January 6th, 2015: George Hook begs his followers to let Pamela Anderson know that he’s alive and well. He also inexplicably shares a link to the Twitter app.
January 6th, 2015: George Hook… apologises to Pamela Anderson for… not being able to have sex with her?
May 10th, 2015: George Hook makes a gag about being denied access to Pamela Anderson’s “web page”.
July 1st, 2015: George Hook marks Pamela Anderson’s birthday by making a crass comment about her boobs.
July 2nd, 2015: George Hook compares Dolly Parton’s boobs to Pamela Anderson’s boobs and decrees that Dolly Parton’s boobs are bigger. Women everywhere weep.
November 13th, 2015: George Hook tries to start beef with Ray D’Arcy for interviewing his “beloved” Pamela Anderson.
November 16th, 2015: George Hook successfully coaxes Pamela Anderson into taking a photo with him backstage at The Ray D’Arcy Show. Look at the fear in her eyes.
November 16th, 2015: George Hook discusses their very important meeting live on radio. We’re sure nothing else was happening that day.
December 16th, 2015: George Hook jokes that the doctors are testing his sight by showing him photos of Pamela Anderson.
January 20th, 2016: George Hook teases The Right Hook by announcing that he’ll be covering Pamela Anderson’s “crusade against foie gras” on the show. Newsworthy stuff.
October 14th, 2016: The broadcaster announces that he will be leading the show with Pamela Anderson’s comments on Trump. Ah yes, the big news story of the day.
October 14th, 2016: George Hook announces that he has changed his mind on Donald Trump, thanks to Pamela Anderson. Encouraging.
February 6th, 2017: George Hook reaches out to conservative talk radio host Michael Graham to tell him that he missed the Super Bowl because he was in bed with his “Pamela Anderson collection”. God give us strength.
Jesus wept.
