Dublin: 15 °C Thursday 28 September, 2023
# ooh the flossy flossy
15 of the most glamorous* (*not really) parts of being a woman

1. Who can resist the glamour of having thrush?

Fellas, you have no idea what you’re missing out on.

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2. Or indeed the experience of having to subtly approach the woman behind the counter in Boots and ask for some *whispers* Canesten

Don’t ask me any follow-up questions, don’t ask me any follow-up questions.

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3. Having to chug cranberry juice to get rid of a UTI and having that weird, almost metallic feeling in your mouth

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4. When someone kindly points out that you have a grey hair

Oh brilliant, thanks so much!

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5. Or says, “Did you do something with your hair?” when all you did was wash it

Christ, how bad do I look most of the time?

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6. When somebody very kindly points out that you “look tired”

Especially harrowing when it comes from the mouth of a child.

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7. Trying on clothes in the harsh, unforgiving light of a Penneys dressing room

Always a self-esteem boost.

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8. When you think you’re rocking a really cool, unique scarf… and realise every second person in town also has it

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9. The horrific reflection of yourself you only get in hairdresser mirrors that makes you feel like this:

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10. That time of the month then you endure such crippling pain that you have to lie in the foetal position and suck your thumb, praying it will go away

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11. Getting your, ahem, intimate area waxed by a perfect stranger for the hell of it

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12. The dreaded tights dance you get to do every morning

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13. When you’re walking around, feeling like the Queen of Sheba, and someone taps you on the shoulder…

“There’s toilet paper stuck to your shoe, love.”

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14. When the hairdresser looks through your hair and gives you a stern look like, “God almighty, when did you last get this cut? Why is it so dry? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SPLIT ENDS?”

Sorry, miss.

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15. Getting to apply this stuff to your upper lip


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