IRISH NIGHTCLUBS AREN’T exactly known all over the world for their quality. Given our ‘put up and shut up’ attitude most Irish people accept that our nightclubs are a bit crap and get over it by drinking massively instead and pretending our nights out are better than they actually are.
Some people aren’t exactly willing to do this and let their frustations out via a good old Google review. Here are some of the best we could find.
Diceys, Dublin
‘No Portlaois need apply’
Walk up to the door on a Tuesday night. And the bouncer said “we’re only accepting bookings tonight.” He then clearly checked the next girls ID. In which I asked “did they have bookings” in which clearly they didn’t. Maybe I shouldn’t have said I was from portlaoise, which clearly discrimination is the bouncers mindset to refuse me entry. When did we as a country to get so bad we refuse people entry based on where they’re from. Ireland has gone backwards with racism. Thanks Dicey’s for bringing me back to the 1970 of England. No blacks,no dogs, no portlaoise need apply.
Laois can be grim but discrimination might be pushing it a little bit.
‘Cheap drinks with cheap people’
Ridiculous, went there for a friends 30th was asked for ID outside (I’m 28 so don’t usually carry ID when I head out). I have a picture of my passport on my phone but you know bouncers.. if they’re told one thing they won’t look further. Avoid this place, unless you just turned 18 and want cheap drinks with cheap people.
In fairness now if you’re having a 30th in Diceys then you need to take a long hard look at yourself.
‘Quite commercial’
Quite commercial music, like Macarena, Despacito&Co. People, especially girls, overdressed. Entrance was expensive. Drinks were very cheap, 2 €.
I feel if your gripe is with the fact they play Despacito then you’re probably not going to find luck anywhere around Harcourt Street. Also the Macarena is amazing. How dare.
‘Peculiar displays of humanity’
Didn’t go inside this time in the end, had way more fun watching the craic outside in comparison to previous experiences. Peculiar displays of humanity to be found for sure, worthwhile human experiences? Eh, not so much.
It’s nice to know what Owen gets up to on his nights out isn’t it? That being said ‘peculiar displays of humanity’ is a pretty good description of any Irish nightclub on any given night.
Carbon, Galway
Hat thieves.
give us back clintons hat you bunch of shams
There is so much anger conveyed in this short review and it provokes so many questions. Who is Clinton? What happened to his hat? Why does Josh think Carbon have it? Why won’t they give it back? I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE.
No smoke.
Nowhere near enough smoke machine.
The people of Galway clearly like their short and very specific reviews. In fairness to DJ Tony, you can never have too much smoke machine.
Havana Browns, Cork
Cat killers?
I hear they kill cats
Michael here obviously knows something we don’t. There could be a perfectly innocent explanation for this. Maybe they were having a seance?
Voodoo Rooms, Cork
Your average club.
Haven’t been to a club in years and this place was everything that I remember. Two floors – one for a slightly older crowd and one for a younger group. Wasn’t blown away by either. Really what you expect in a club though.
Anthony here seemingly disappointed that a nightclub in Ireland turned out to be like a nightclub in Ireland. I for one, am shocked.
Mischief (Formally Mantra) Maynooth, Kildare
Batman Barman
Too many underage… apart from that good spot… oh and Batman were to lazy to make me Long Island Iced Tea
Nothing like rocking up to a bar only to find a lazy Batman who won’t make you a cocktail. There’s nothing worse.
Typical Kildare
Okay music. Okay prices.
I have never seen a more Kildare review in my life. We are such an average county and we represent that in any and every way possible.
Copper Faced Jacks
We couldn’t do a review of Irish nightclubs without leaving out the most famous one of them all.
An innocent conga line.
The DJ and security wards suck. We tried to do an innocent conga ( only happiness and playfulness involved) and they made us stop. Also they made us stop any lind of creative dancing. The cleaning boy was hovering constantly around us with the mop.Certainly took away all the glamour. Music was ok, completely mainstream for a disco-pub but ok. Not live music. This opinion is exclusivelly about the downstaitr “disco”. Don know about the rest of it
I for one am very curious about what exactly defines a happy and playful conga line? Is there any other kind of conga line?
No memory
Was drunk here the other day. Don’t remember much but I’m told it was fun.
God bless people who don’t remember anything from the night before but still want to leave a review.
Dead DJ?
People give out about the place but it’s always full. I think that the DJ is dead because they play the same set of musics in the same order every weekend!
We need a true crime podcast about this apparently dead DJ in Coppers immediately. Someone get Danny Dyer.
Lost Tequila
Tequila shot was spilt at the bar by accident. Didn’t see it on the counter, and accidentally knocked it over from exchanging my receipts with bar tender. And lost my money on a shot I didn’t even get the chance to grab and drink.
Not sure why you’d give Coppers a one star review when by the sounds of it you knocked over your own tequila shot. Brandy here must really like tequila which I guess is sort of ironic.
Failed youth.
The youth of today are more lost than ever.
*Mad World plays sadly in the background*.
