WHAT IS TINDER? Don’t act like you don’t know. We saw you on there.
The relatively new dating app has been downloading its way across Irish college campuses, and now sees 350m swipes a day worldwide with Ireland having one of the highest adoption rates of all countries it was launched in.
The premise is basic. You download the app, link it to your Facebook profile (nobody on Facebook will know, phew) and your face is there for all to judge.
Once you pick your preferences, the app will find people nearby on Tinder and ask you if you’re up for chatting. Swipe left if you’re into it, right if not. Rejection is kept to a minimum as you never know if someone ‘lefted’ you– you’re only connected if you both ‘like’ each other.
Your mutual Facebook friends and interests are also shown, in case you thought it was shallow like.
But sure you know all this, here are 16 experiences that all Tinder users go through:
1. Giving in
You’ll eventually download it out of curiosity, boredom, or crushing, soul destroying loneliness.
2. Dwelling over you profile photo
You can chop and change your four photos based on your Facebook pictures. But choose wisely, my friend. It’s the thing everyone is going to be making ruthless snap judgements on you over. No one said life was fair.
Think about what will really grab the attention, bring them in?
Attempt to keep creepiness to a minimum– we mean, you’re on Tinder so you can’t overwrite it altogether. If your photo is going to be creepy, at least make sure it’s not you.
3. You’ll be unsure of your ‘like’ distribution
Have standards guys, don’t get too excited. Hit those Xs like it’s your job. Unless you start getting no matches, then, by all means, spread the love more liberally (and re-evaluate some life choices).
4. You’ll use a photo of ‘the girls’ or ‘the lads’ in an attempt to look popular and nonchalant
Listen, we all know what’s going on here, but don’t do it. It’s a hard graft to realise who the person you’re judging is if it’s a group photo. Stop complicating things.
If you’re confused, at least be honest.
Seriously, which one are you?
5. You’ll encounter someone who comes on way too strong
We know that the app displays this every time you get a match:
But it’s really no excuse for this:
Seriously.
6. The mortification will arrive
If, by some twist of fate, you do meet up and fall in love with someone you were matched with, you’ll spend the rest of your life denying that you met on Tinder.
7. You start running out of nearby options
Ireland’s a small place. Shudder at the day you get excited at the prospect of going to different cities and countries just to check out the Tinder talent.
8. You’ll come across some confused Tinder user with a wedding photo as his profiler
Swipe left. Always swipe left.
9. You’ll attempt to show your friends
They’ll think it’s ‘sad’ at first but then get completely addicted, even those in relationships.
Collaborative Tindering becomes a thing, and whenever you leave your phone around you come back to multiple matches you certainly did NOT consent to.
Friends don’t let friends swipe right.
10. You’ll come across a photo of someone at Machu Picchu
Either that, or it’ll be you. Yes, you at some monument or landmark will show potential matches how travelled, cultured and adventurous you are.
We get it, and we’re swiping left.
11. You won’t talk to the majority of your matches
Surely they’ll make the first move. Surely.
12. You come across someone you know
While Tinder promises that you’ll never be shown a Facebook friend, it still doesn’t stop the unexpected from appearing. Again, Ireland is a small place.
Remember when Lindsay Lohan was matched with her brother?
The proximity factor also means that office situations can get a bit awkward, but we all know that the unspoken rule here is to swipe left to all.
UNLESS IT’S HOT TOM FROM ACCOUNTS, mi’rite?
13. You’ll creep like you’ve never crept before
You’ll change your orientation to check out which of the girls/guys are signed up to Tinds. Dirty dogs. But also remember that you’re on there too.
14. There will be one the one that got away
Nothing beats the hurt of the missed Tinder connection. When you’re on a roll of doling out the left swipes, you can lose control of that thumb.
15. You’ll become a Tinder advocate
“Are you on Tinder? Well yeah it’s a dating app but it’s not like that.”
You’re convincing no one. You might even try to make Tinder slang happen. Don’t.
16. The temptation to delete it
Who are you actually trying to fool? You’ll re-download next weekend.
