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going to the gym

25 very Irish gym commandments

It’s not for everyone.


8 Bendunnegyms Bendunnegyms

1. Join a gym because you actually want to join, you must join in order to give yourself motivation to go

2. This motivation must NEVER manifest

3. You must never, ever, EVER, actually be ‘in the humour’ to go

4. Once you’re in your gym gear you must spend at least two hours mulling over the decision to leave

5. You must spend more time picking out your gym gear than you actually spend in the gym

6. Driving to the gym is perfectly acceptable, and almost preferred

Who wants to get EXTRA exercise in?

7. Thou shalt NOT forget your headphones

It’s the actual WORST. If you forget your headphones you must immediately go home.

8. If you choose to Instagram your workout, don’t

No one likes a bragger.

9. You cannot skip leg day, because once the sun comes out you will have to get them out immediately

Unless you’re reaaaally not in the mood.

10. While we’re at it, sharing gym memes is also a no no


11. If you feel not arsed, sitting on a bench looking at yourself in the mirror burns two calories a minute

12. Buying a shiteload of supplements in Bodyfirst is equal to ten workouts

13. Asking for help on how to use a machine? You’d rather DIE

14. It is a well known fact that everyone else in the gym is bigger and fitter than you at any given time

15. It is an absolute must to stop every few minutes for a sup of water

16. If you forget water, don’t even think about setting up by the fountain

What if someone else wanted it? God forbid.

17. Thou shalt not walk too close to someone lifting weights

Do you want to get killed?

18. Avoid all eye contact with people who KNOW they are built, they might get a big head

19. When beside someone of equal capability on the treadmill, you must immediately assume they want to have a fantasy race with you

20. Speaking of the treadmill, time slows down considerably every second you stay on it

21. Please keep noise to a minim, nobody wants to hear your grunts

22. And if you chose to drop your heavy weights on the ground, prepare to be labelled a giant douche

23. When leaving the gym, you must look like you’ve been drenched in torrential rain while crawling through a particularly thorny bush

24. Showering in the gym is mostly a no no unless you have somewhere to be, so take your sweaty ass home

25. Rest in the knowledge that you’ve exercised and use it as an excuse to not go again for another two weeks

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