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Dublin: 7 °C Wednesday 19 December, 2018

23 things we learned from watching Home Alone 4

The film that everyone knows about but nobody has seen.

homealone4 Source: ABC

EVERY SINGLE PERSON has seen Home Alone and Home Alone 2 – they need no introduction.

But the only other film in the franchise to feature the McCallister family is Home Alone 4 – a film most people have heard of, but nobody has seen.

So we rooted it out and had a gawk because we needed closure on the McCallister’s story.

1. The first shot establishes that this is now the McCallister family home – they’ve downsized since the first two films (or the production couldn’t afford the original)

homealone5 Source: ABC

2. And this is what Kevin McCallister looks like

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3. Kevin reveals that this will be the family’s first Christmas without their dad. Not because he’s dead though, it’s just his parents have split up and everyone seems cut up about it

ha3 Source: ABC

We weren’t ready for all these revelations inside the first two minutes.

4. The mam tells Kevin that they won’t be getting back together because they had got in a “rut” in their marriage

ha4 Source: ABC

He’s not your counsellor Kate!

5. This is Buzz and Megan – Kevin’s brothers and sisters. They’re both older like in the first movie but it’s so weird seeing different actors playing them

ha5 Source: ABC

6. Then the dad comes in and you realise you’re just watching a bizarro world version of your favourite Christmas family

ha6 Source: ABC

7. At one point, Buzz is supposed to be minding Kevin for the night, but Kevin wants to stay home alone: “I’ve done it before!”, he wails. His mam is just like “don’t remind me!”

ha7 Source: ABC

This conclusively proves we’re in the same universe as the original two films.

8. Peter and Kate head off to the kitchen to chat, and he tells her he’s going to marry some woman called Natalie when the divorce comes through

ha8 Source: ABC

Sorry Natalie, but you’re not part of this story. Could you kindly f**k off out of Home Alone?

9. Peter sits down and asks the kids do they want to spend a few days over Christmas with him and Natalie. Kevin is having none of it, but the invitation stands

ha9 Source: ABC

Good man, Kevin!

10. It cuts to Peter and Natalie coming home from some sort of black tie function in a limo

ha10 Source: ABC

Doing well for themselves.

Kevin had an inevitable argument with his mam, so decides to head over to his dad’s gaff. It turns out that a royal family (???) is coming to visit Natalie and Peter for Christmas later that week.

11. Outside, just as Kevin pulls up, Marv is there with his new wife

ha11 Source: ABC

Yes, that Marv.

He talks about how Harry’s plans kept landing him in jail, so he’s ditched him. He’s now talking about kidnapping instead of robbing as the best way to get easy cash.

They have their eyes on the little Prince due to arrive soon.

12. Kevin is allowed to stay and finds out that they’re so rich the whole house is “smart” and can be controlled by voice recognition

ha12 Source: ABC

This will undoubtedly become relevant later.

13. There’s an obligatory mirror singing scene, with Kevin bopping along to James Brown – I Feel Good

ifeelgood Source: ABC

14. The action starts early with Marv and Vera breaking in, thinking the house is empty. But Kevin is home alone and basically floods the gaff trying to get them out

ifeelgood23 Source: ABC

ifeelgood24 Source: ABC

15. It’s really surreal watching Marv giving out that Kevin is always foiling his attempted break ins when it’s patently not the Marv we know so well

surwe Source: ABC

16. There’s a really, really bad montage halfway through of Peter, Natalie and Kevin decorating the tree in the house

surwe2 Source: ABC

The only montage we want is Kevin prepping the booby traps for burglars.

17. Meanwhile, Kate is watching old home movies of the family’s Christmas all together and getting emotional

surwe3 Source: ABC

Ah now :(

18. There’s a good half an hour where nothing much happens and you’re kind of waiting for the moment where Kevin has to spring into action to defend the house/Prince from Marv

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19. The first few bits of slapstick are exactly what you’d expect – bit of mess, bit of violent third degree burns. You know yourself

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20. The face off between the two *really* fizzles out after a few traps, and the tension never really gets off the ground

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He stops them from kidnapping the Prince and it’s all wrapped up without much bother. It never felt like Kevin was in much danger of failing – like in the previous versions – and the whole thing just feels like one big anti-climax.

21. Kevin’s parents come to find him after he’s stopped the burglars, and seem delighted that he’s alright (despite this being the third time they’ve put him in mortal danger in as many Christmases)

surwe8 Source: ABC

22. When Natalie shows up, Peter gives her a speech saying he doesn’t love her and he still loves Kate

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This is all happening very FAST.

23. Kate takes him back in front of Natalie and everyone lives happily ever after

surwe Source: ABC

The main lessons from Home Alone 4:

  • The McCallisters remain one big happy family, even though it wasn’t looking good for a while
  • Kevin has toned down his brutality as he’s got older
  • The new Marv is less lovable and more incompetent than the original version
  • This film should never have been made

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About the author:

David Elkin

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