IS THERE ANYONE who doesn’t think that they’re awkward?
Probably not, mainly because all of these situations are painfully awkward no matter how suave you are.
1. Constant, repeated, distant eye contact
It never doesn’t happen. That quick eye contact with someone across the room or on a bus, the realisation that you’ve been staring, before quickly looking away. Then you have to check that they’re not looking at you weirdly and, surprise surprise, they’re looking back and you to begin a circle of vicious awkwardness.
2. Being the only one to laugh at your own joke
It’s not your fault that some people can’t see how gas you are. This doesn’t make it any less awkward when you tell what you think is a killer joke and all that you’re left with is your howling laughter among a deafening silence.
It’s not nearly as painful as the follow-up reasoning of “you had to be there”, though.
3. Not ‘getting it’
The complete opposite of being the lone laugher. Everyone is in hysterics about something you just didn’t find that funny so you fake laugh a bit until the laughter dies down.
Will they think I’ve no sense of humour?
DO I have no sense of humour?
4. Showing your friends YouTube videos
There is nothing icier than the awkward silence and pity laughs that come when you show your friends a YouTube video you thought was absolutely gas but they just sit there unimpressed.
“It gets better,” you plead.
It doesn’t get better, and you damn well know it.
5. Talking when people don’t hear you
You’re halfway through a story and the person you’re talking to keeps shouting ‘what?’ or has just stopped acknowledging your existence altogether.
When do you stop? How do you stop? Should you just fade your story out and crawl off to the dark corner you belong in?
6. Saying hi to someone, then meeting them again
In any situation, this is awkward. You’ve met each other in the supermarket aisle and had a little chat, said all you’ve wanted to say, pretended to feign an interest in this distant aquaintances life. Painless. But now you’ve bumped into them in the cereal aisle and the questions come flooding in.
Do we stop again?
Do I say hi and just walk off? But we’ve already met each other.
There are no right answers, just discomfort.
7. See someone you know approaching from the distance
The etiquette here is to ignore their existence until they’re closer, but it doesn’t make the situation any pleasanter.
However, what’s worse is the alternative– waving to them from far away, then just staring until they reach you.
8. Having Happy Birthday sung to you
WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO DO?
9. The delay on a conference call
“Hel–” “Hel–” “No, you go–” “You go.” [Silence] “Well–” “OK so–” “No sorry, you go.”
The three second delay of a long distance call then often results in saying stupid sentences to continue talking in a feigned effort to ease the awkwardness.
10. Someone talking to you while you’re chewing
They ask you a question just as you show a fork of pasta in your mouth or take a huge gulp of a drink.
Just give me ONE MINUTE. Grand, but they sit there staring at you expectantly while you finish chewing as you desperately point to your mouth or make weird, panicked eye movements in an attempt to explain your silence.
11. When you keep mishearing someone
Sorry? What? Sorry? I’m sorry, I can’t really hear you.
12. When the friend you’re with runs into a friend
What is there to do? What is there to say? What’s worse is if your so-called-friend fails to introduce you and you’re left standing there like the gormless clinger-on you are.
13. Avoiding people walking towards you
Ah, the classic. You’re approaching a stranger on the street and they decide to go the same way as you as you try to avoid them. There’s the stifled laughing, the relay of sorry, sorry, oh sorry.
14. Having nothing to talk about
Silence isn’t always golden.
h/t Reddit
