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Dublin: 4 °C Saturday 28 January, 2023
# days like these
19 things that would happen if Friends was set in Dublin
“When the rain starts to pour.”

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1. Chandler would work in the IFSC, and the WENUS would be called the MICKEY

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2. Ross would find out that Rachel likes him via a 3am text when she was leaving Whelan’s

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He’d realise when he woke up the next day to a Whatsapp that basically says “I’m over you.”

And he’d write back “when were you… under me?” with a few emoticons to break the tension.

3. Joey’s catchphrase would be “Howaya”

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4. Chandler’s mam would have appeared in a mortifying interview on The Saturday Night Show with Brendan O’Connor

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5. The gang would go kick a ball around Phoenix Park on Stephen’s Day because Thanksgiving doesn’t exist here

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They’d also be hanging. And possibly wearing old GAA jerseys.

6. Phoebe would be convinced her grandmother had the best recipe for sausage rolls, but it would turn out they were from Centra all along

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7. Ross would lecture in UCD, and put on an awful American accent to impress his students

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Eventually he’d get prank calls from the Fake Accent University, based in Dublin.

8. Rachel would work in Brown Thomas, and people would say to her at parties “my mam calls it BTs”

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9. Joey would have to learn Gaeilge for a TG4 production and not be able to get his head around it

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10. He would also have been the star of Fair City in the ’90s, but an ill-fated interview with the RTÉ Guide saw him written out

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The writers had him run down by a Spar delivery van in Carrigstown. His evil twin would later return.

11. Joey and Chandler would lose Ben on a Dublin Bus, but he’d turn up safe and sound in the Rotunda

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12. Monica would work in Eddie Rocket’s and some guy from Google Ireland would leave her a €100 tip

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13. Ross would have fallen asleep on a Bus Eireann up to Dundalk and met a girl he thinks is beautiful, smart and funny

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He’d have a conundrum because there was a not smart, not funny and somewhat racist girl living in Ranelagh. She lives so close. 

14. Rachel and Monica would sit around watching their embarrassing Debs video

Chip Matthews would be captain of the GAA team and eventually show up to take Rachel to the Debs bus.

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And at the end, Ross and Rachel shift while Phoebe wails: “See, she’s his mot!”

15. Phoebe’s friends would own a beach house in Bundoran, and the whole weekend would just turn into a massive session

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With no strip poker involved due to the intense cold and rain.

16. Monica would do karaoke on Capel Street and channel Linda Martin

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17. Joey would be a Roman soldier at Dr Quirkey’s on O’Connell Street

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He’d claim he was shooting a bizarre sequel to Michael Collins when he eventually got rumbled.

18. The Barbados trip would have been a grim package holiday to the Algarve

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19. And finally… Chandler wouldn’t celebrate St Patrick’s Day because he lost the tip of his toe in a freak float accident in the 1987 parade

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