IMAGINE FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE AND FINDING OUT…
1. They willingly opened their packet of crisps upside down.
2. They put the milk in before the hot water when making tea.
3. They were the type of person (read: evil) that slyly puts empty wrappers back into the tin of Roses.
4. They thought it was acceptable to bite into the Kit Kat instead of breaking it in half. Criminal.
5. They comment “Who?” on articles about celebrities.
6. They thought “K” was an acceptable response to a text.
7. They shared those “Facebook is going to start charging money for their service unless you like and share this photo” warnings.
8. They unironically called celebrities ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ on Twitter/Instagram.
9. They wished you a “Happy St. Patty’s Day!”
10. They thought it was okay to talk over Jean Byrne and Evelyn Cusack as they delivered the weather forecast. (BOW DOWN TO THE MET ÉIREANN QUEENS.)
11. They never shut the living room door behind them forcing you to always get up from your seat lest a draught get in.
12. They were the type of person to tell you to put on a jumper if you suggested putting on the heating. MEAN.
13. They hadn’t seen every episode of Father Ted several times over.
14. They pronounced Sudocrem like “su-do-crehm” instead of the correct and proper “su-do-cream”.
15. They referred to you as ‘this one’ or ‘the boy’ in Instagram posts.
16. They thought Comic Sans was an acceptable, sensible font to use.
17. They thought Carrie should have ended up with the Russian.
18. They described all beverages as “cheeky”. Cheeky cocktail, cheeky pints, cheeky glass of wine, cheeky hot chocolate, cheeky cuppa, etc.
19. They earnestly referred to their penis as “my mickey” and expected you to do the same.
20. They compared themselves to Marmite in conversation. “You either love me or you hate me.” Ugggggggh.
21. They called people on Twitter “tweeps”.
22. They ate pizza with a knife and fork.
23. They expressed amusement by writing “hehe” or “bahahahaha”. (A simple “haha” or “lol” will suffice. A cry laughing emoji is acceptable in exceptional circumstances.)
24. They willingly had this as their ringtone:
