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Dublin: 16 °C Sunday 22 September, 2019

9 things you're guaranteed to see influencers flogging on Instagram

Products that they definitely love and swear by, obvs

LOVE THEM OR hate them, so-called ‘digital influencers’ are inescapable.

Seemingly, every ousted Love Island contestant is one now.

(Seriously, look at Jess’ Instagram since leaving. Gal can’t stop).

Anyway, influencers are continuing to make serious bank selling their wares. And we’re buying them! Because we love buying things that people tell us to.

If any of the following seem to have a constant presence on your faves feed, you best believe they’ve been paid to wildly Boomerang them for you. Trust me.

1. Detox tea

The holy grail of influencer products, this is less ‘detox’ tea and more ‘let’s empty your entire intestinal track out’ tea.

Hey, at least you’re “beating the bloat” right?

Watch them shimmy about with their sachets that will undoubtedly remain unopened forever.

2. Anything to do with teeth whitening

So that covers:

  • Mad black charcoal toothpaste
  • Simiarly mad black charcoal mouthwash
  • Those mad mouth guard lightsabers

‘Smile gains’ is also not an expression, just FYI.

And while we’re on the subject of charcoal …

3. Charcoal peel off masks

These bad boys target everyone’s secret desire to see all the gunk that currently resides in their pores in all its glory.

What influencers fail to show you, however, is how hard they are to get off.

Seriously. The shit’s like superglue.

Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. 📷 Repost @cathmo__

A post shared by Charbon Noir Cosmetics (@charbonnoircosmetics) on

Goodbye pores!!! And your epidermis!!!

4. Clothes from some micro-chain clothing brand that every other influencer also seemingly shops at

No doubt they’ll have a discount code too for the frilly gingham dress you saw in Penneys four hours ago for half the price.

5. Contour or highter kits

Complete with that all important open and close Boomerang shot of them opening and closing the palette.


6. Hair extensions

Looking only bleedin’ masso hun.

Big and wavy baby💁🏼💇🏼@platinumhairextensions❤️ #platinumhair#platinumprestige#wavyhair#love#selfie

A post shared by A N D R E A R O O N E Y💎✨ (@drerooney06) on

7. Protein bars

All well and good but you can’t use them as a straw for your tea, can you?

8. Those gummy hair vitamin things

Haribo for your hair, if you will.

The Kardashian are big fans and definitely haven’t been paid to say so. Nope. No way. Nuh uh.

Source: Instagram

Also, is there a need for us to see into your massive gob? Just show us the jar.

Then again, we wouldn’t be able to see their super white teeth achieved from a diet of exclusively charcoal.

9. Fake tan

Ah yes, a nice natural shot of Kylie Jenner, her tan and her bottles of tan.

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About the author:

Fionnuala Jones

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