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disrupt

10 pieces of insufferable tech jargon we must destroy

Stop disrupting us with your gamification-based start up.

TECHNOLOGY IS A booming sector, and people just love to talk about the latest app, gadget, billion dollar micro-payment company… yeah.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it can feel like the latest sleep monitoring app is being described as the new Messiah.

Here are ten words that just need to not exist in the context of tech, ranked from least to worst in feelings of hateful resentment.

10. Startup

Let’s start with the basics. Originally, startup was used to describe a newish tech venture searching for a business model, now it’s basically any company that’s ‘starting up’. We here on earth say ‘company’.

Start jakeandlindsay jakeandlindsay

9. Content

So this is just everything on the internet. It would be helpful to be more specific instead of repeating content while everything around you slowly burns. Anyone caught pandering to the phrase ‘content is king’ is immediately dismissed from creating any. That doesn’t count.

stark-social-media-agency-content-is-king

8. Iteration

A fancy word for improving, makes founders seem like they’re not just being excessively picky. Basically, it wasn’t good enough the first time so we’re changing it… again.

Frog Design - Seattle 5 tedeytan tedeytan

7. Gamification

It means breaking things down into simple steps with simple rewards at the completion of each step. So basically, this app thinks you’ve got the willpower of a hyperactive child.

Euphoria in board games is often at the expense of other players... (FlickrFriday #41 - Euphoria) elPadawan elPadawan

6. Growth hacking

Unforgivable. Sounds like some kind of pill distributed to young people to make them grow faster, when in fact, this just means ‘selling’. In fact, the use of hacking in general needs to be seriously regulated. Posting a status to someone who left their Facebook signed in aint hacking.

measuring woodleywonderworks woodleywonderworks

5. Disrupt

When every new tech innovation is tipped to ‘disrupt the area’, how is the area not just one massive disruption? Basically this company isn’t the exact same as every other company in the industry.

disruptionemployees Shutterstock Shutterstock

4. Coding ninjas

No. Stop using these in job descriptions.

rockstarhiring

The tech industry is not this gas. No industry is.

Here’s our expectation of a coding ‘ninja’:

shutterstock_155973941 Shutterstock Shutterstock

But here’s an actual programmer:

86th of 4th 365: Working late on a Friday dumbledad dumbledad

A social media rockstar?

socialmediarockstar Shutterstock Shutterstock

Actual social media manager:

EDU Checkup + Rockstar Energy Drink = Web Rockstar jameskm03 jameskm03

3. The cloud

What even IS the cloud? Everyone with a phone or laptop constantly refers to it but basically no one knows what it is.

cloudthoughts Shutterstock Shutterstock

It’s the little cloud icon with my stuff in it, grand.

Clouds karindalziel karindalziel

2. Monetise

So this new website’s business plan is to monetise this thing, to make money out of it. That’ll be a business then.

Monetize the concept Iain Farrell Iain Farrell

1. Data mining

Immediately spawns images of sweat-shop style conditions, workers hacking away at mines full of data. Precious data.

Let’s just agree to say ‘collecting’ and let us all get on with our days.

datamining Jurvetson Jurvetson

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