1. Our TV presenters don’t have to worry about their slick appearance to get the job done
We only care about the substance, not the style:
2. And, it may be controversial, but our rashers are just better than American bacon
3. We obviously do tea better
“American tea is shite.”
Poetry.
4. And we can all be thankful that we have sausage rolls here instead of corn dogs
Aesthetically alone, we’re winning.
5. We can safely say our “news” in Ireland is superior
*superior/not intentionally fear-inducing.
6. And our weather forecasts are also less threatening
Thanks mostly to our delightfully benign weather.
Thank you, North Atlantic Drift!
7. Chipper chips are far superior than anything ever labelled “fries” across the Atlantic
8. We don’t have anything as mortifying as a promposal
9. In fact, it’s hard to beat the homespun charm of the Debs
10. Our crime stories are often as entertaining as they are informative
11. Our postal service will deliver anything
12. We do brutally honest sales slogans better too
Which contrasts wonderfully with the Black Friday chaos:
13. And finally, perhaps most importantly, any type of Irish chocolate laughs in the face of its American counterpart
Let’s just never mention all the things they beat us on.
