A WOMAN IN the UK was rather upset when her daughter came home with an eyeshadow palette which she described as ‘oversexualised’.
The eyeshadow had names such ‘Homewrecker’, ‘Blackmail’, ‘Dealer’ and ‘Milf’. Apart from the hilarity of the whole thing, I would like to know the backstory behind some of these names. Is it all one big story or loads of little ones? We demand answers.
Anyway we decided that enough was enough and Ireland needs it’s own eyeshadow palette which a host of ridiculous names. We choosing names that are near and dear to our hearts. Here are 10 suggestions.
1. ‘Bag of cans’
Coming in a nice shade of red and white (Praszky) or black and gold (Bulmers) this colour is perfect for that ‘heading down to the canal because the sun has been out for 5 minutes’ look. Also comes in summer shades such as red, yellow, purple and green to represent the many flavours that Bulmers now has.
2. ‘Amber Leaf’
Coming in various shades of brown with a nice hint of yellow and a smidgen of green. Unfortunately you will only be able to get this as a 30g palette as we no longer stock smaller, cheaper 12.5g versions of this colour for absolutely no reason.
3. ‘Gaeltacht Shift’
This comes in a nice deep shade of blue that you thought you could pull off when you were 14. The truth is that nobody can actually pull off blue eyeshadow. It will just remind you of the washing machine you shifted behind the shop.
4. ‘Miggeldy’
This colour is a delightful shade of grey that is three quarters the height of the rest of the colours. However, it’ll look good in any situation such as queuing at an ATM, rocking out on a BMX or having the time of your life at Slane in the 1970s.
5. ‘Farmers Tan’
This shade comes in a lovely light pink with streaks of white running randomly through it. Ironically there is no SPF built into this eyeshadow so you’ll still forget to put your suncream on anyway.
6. ‘Mi Wadi’
A nice orange colour that reminds your mam making you drink dilute because you refused to drink water and she had to make sure that you didn’t die of dehydration.
7. ‘Flat 7up’
This shade comes in various shades of violent green to remind you of a simpler time when flat 7up cured everything and we weren’t concerned about antibiotics no longer working.
8. ‘Love Boat’
A violent shade of pink which reminds us that we’ve been exporting a lot of problems out of Ireland for about 35 years now. May contain shades of grey if you’re a man.
9. ‘Fake Tan Mare’
A streaky shade of brown to reflect all the times that you messed up your fake tan as a teenager and ended up looking streakier than a Tesco Value rasher. We were all that person once.
10. ‘Naggins’
A shade of white with a streak of red running down the middle to represent the many terrible decisions you made as a teenager. Optionally you can add some green into any look to represent the time you fell into a hedge after drinking too much.
