HOW ARE YOU. Such loaded words. Such shades of grey.
Here, we attempt to decode their use and appropriate response. You’re welcome.
1. “How are you?” (While walking by)
What they really mean: I can’t stop at ‘hi’, but I don’t really care how you are and will keep walking so your answer will hang in the air around your lonely self.
2. “How are you?” (Stationary, face to face)
Well, they’re actually asking how you are, ignore them and prepare to look horrifically rude.
3. “And you?”
They care, but are mostly just being polite. Answer anyway, just don’t expect more than a ‘good’ in response.
4. “How are you.” (Keeps on talking)
DON’T CARE. Care levels of this person about your well being are at a minus level. Usually occurs during a work call. You could reply that you’re on the cusp of a horrific slow painful death and they would just continue to ask what they need of you.
5. The email opener of ‘hope you’re well’
You open an email.
“Hi, how are you, hope you’re well.”
YOU WOULDN’T KNOW, assumptive much? The only solution is to reply with a detailed analysis of how you’re doing at that very point in time.
6. So… how are you?
“I heard about that completely mortifying thing that happened to you, tell me all about it.”
7. Well boy
They’re actually genuinely happy to see you, you lucky divil. It’s more of a greeting too though, so no need to answer.
8. What’s the craic?
How do you even reply to this? Nothing, good, thanks?
No, just don’t, it’s number 1, just rephrased. Not much can be used under awkward silence circumstances.
9. Story?
No one in this situation wants a story to be told. Do not attempt to tell one, under any circumstances.
10. The third one
“How are you?” “Grand, you?” “Grand, and you?”
Feel their regret and shame consume the air. Relish in it. It’s not you, for once.
May also occur intentionally from a loved one when you haven’t answered them sufficiently the first time.
11. How’s she cutting?
Nothing to do with sharp objects, or the current state of your lawnmower. You’re being asked how you’re ‘getting on’, and is friendly enough to actually mean it.
