THE IRISH ARE a bunch of rides.
Inspired by this Buzzfeed list of British men, we’ve decided to compile some indisputable proof with this definitive list of certified Irish rides.
Hold your fire, the women are up next.
Let’s GO.
1. Eoghan Murphy
The Fine Gael TD and brother of fellow Irish ride Killian Scott puts the bae in Dail debaete.
Whatever, he’s a ride.
2. Leo Varadkar
Straight in with another TD. Solid job and a good bit of height in him, what more would you want?
3. Stuart Townsend
The Howth lad kinda disappeared after he broke up the OTP of Charlize and Stuart, but we can always look wistfully upon his facial features.
4. Kevin McGahern
McGahren looks like he eternally wanders the NUIG campus looking for his 8am lecture, but he can make you laugh, and those LOCKS.
Fan us down.
5. Jamie Dornan
An obvious one. Rumour has it, people have spontaneously burst into flames by just looking at his glorious beard.
6. Aodhan O Riordain
Time for another TD. Aodhan was always hot, but got considerably hotter when he wore a Yes Equality badge on the Saturday Night Show and was ordered to take it off. God knows we love a bad boy.
7. All the Gleesons
The Gleeson collective count as one because you just don’t CHOOSE between Gleesons. They even look like rides in this photo. Fight us.
8. Michael Fassbender
Ah, Kerryman Fassbender. Owner of the finest of all ginger beards. This man is single-handedly responsible for raising this fine country’s rideometer at least 15 places.
9. Hot Garda from Red Rock
Be still our beating hearts. If only ever Garda was like Garda Holden, we’d never get anything done.
10. Liam Neeson
The ultimate display of manliness.
11. Pierce Brosnan
Navan’s finest. If you squint a bit you can almost overlook the disaster that was Mamma Mia.
12. Rob Kearney
A solid rugby player and a certified, qualified, professional lash.
13. Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Those eyes. That jaw line. Are we sure he’s from Drimnagh? I’ve never seen anyone tipping around Drimnagh looking like this.
14. Jonathan Sexton
Another fine sportsman. Jonathan Sexton? More like Jonathan Sexy-ton, amiriteamirite.
15. Daniel O’Donnell
He’s got a kind face, hasn’t he? Look at that harmless stance. Every woman’s dream.
16. Alan Shatter
The Shatter isn’t just in the business of sexy books, he’s known to be found a bit sexy himself.
17. Cillian Murphy
Is it those cheekbones? That elegantly draped hair, possibly styled by angels? Ride.
18. Barry Ward
That bit of grey hair, UMPH. They make em like this in Blanchardstown apparently.
19. Daniel Day Lewis
Ding ding ding, it’s the Daniel Day Lewis, alighting at your gaff, hop on for a ride.
20. Joe Canning
Of course, a hurler had to make the list. The Prince of Galway has a fine pair of hands. A fine pair.
21. Bernard Brogan
Sometimes a Dublin GAA hero, sometimes an accountant… always a ride.
22. Simon Coveney
He’s got that smart, geeky vibe going on. We bet he smells like leather and books.
23. Chris O’Dowd
In any other life, O’Dowd would be that guy you were in Green Soc with. But now he’s all Hollywood and it’s looking well on him. WELL.
24. David O’Doherty
He’s got a solid head of hair and he’s funny as hell. Now give us two reasons why he ISN’T a ride? Thought as much.
25. Killian Scott
Tommy and his fizzy orange sent all the wimmin of Ireland into a fizz of their own.
26. Daithi O’Shea and his beard
But mostly the beard. Can’t bate a good Kerryman all the same.
27. Bressie
No Irish man can pull off a waistcoat as well as Bressie.
28. Roy Keane
His rage. Our rage. The perfect fusion.
Hate to dwell on the beards, but that ombre tint. Lord rest us.
29. Shane Lynch
His hipster transformation is complete, and so is our love for him.
30. Conor McGregor
The perfect man, once you overlook almost everything he has ever said.
31. Matt Cooper
Reppin the broadcasters, Cooper definitely doesn’t have a face for radio. Mother may I.
32. Nicky Byrne
The hottest member of Westlife. This is not open to debate. Our spark for him will never die, unlike that iconic spark in his earlobe.
