1. Not giving good directions to tourists and always wondering whether they made it to their destination OK.
2. Only having a €50 note when you go up to the shop counter because the f**king ATM had no €20s.
3. And then asking for specific, awkward change back from the cashier.
4. Eating white bread instead of brown. You’re well aware of the relative health benefits of the latter, but can’t resist the delicious allure of the white.
5. That one time you didn’t get somebody back their round years ago.
6. Honking the horn at someone in a mild case of road rage and thinking about their hurt feelings for the rest of the day (especially if they are an old person).
7. Seeing someone you kind of know across the road and completely blanking them. And then convincing yourself they definitely saw you ignoring them.
8. Absolutely flaking it inside the gaff under a duvet all day when the weather outside is grand (unless you’re sick whereby you get a free pass with 0% guilt).
9. When a Garda pulls you over in your car and asks you a normal question and the fear strikes you that you might have committed many crimes in the last five minutes.
10. Buying Solpadeine.
11. Cancelling plans on someone because you literally couldn’t be arsed moving from the couch. The more elaborate the excuse, the higher the level of guilt.
12. Going into a shop and deciding you actually don’t want to buy anything and walking back out with the feeling that you are legitimately a shoplifter now. In the space of five seconds you have already thought out exactly what you will say to the Gardai when they haul you in.
13. Freeing up space on the DVR by deleting quality TV shows that you haven’t watched and replacing them with pure trash that you can’t get enough of.
14. Finishing a packet of communal biscuits and just putting them back like you were never there.
15. Going for a “quick nap” and waking up six hours later with your life an absolute mess.
16. Bringing back some damaged electrical item to the shop and convincing yourself that it was you that broke it, even though it definitely wasn’t.
17. Lying to your mam about what you had for dinner.
“Yeah, just made a salad tonight.”
*closes Domino’s app*
