1. “Mosquitos love me.”
Every Irish person tries to stake their claim as the mosquitos’ favourite. “I have 12 bites on my leg. Mosquitos love me.” “Oh yeah, well I have 34 bites. They’re obsessed with me.”
2. “We are not going to an Irish bar.”
At the beginning of every holiday, it’s made clear that you’re not under any circumstances going to visit an Irish bar. Sure if you wanted to go to an Irish bar, you could have just stayed at home?
3. “Where’s the nearest Irish bar?”
Of course this all goes out the window when you realise that there’s a match on that you simply need to see. Cue frantic Googling of “closest irish bar”.
4. “Ah blast, I forgot the Ambre Solaire.”
At least one day, you’ll forget to bring the suncream to the beach. If you’ve been there a few days, you might chance it. “I’ve got a base colour already,” you think. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
5. “It’s grand, sure. It’ll turn to tan.”
You get sunburned obviously. But it’s fine because, as the ancient Irish proverb goes, “It’ll turn to tan eventually.”
6. “OH SHITE, I JUST TURNED ON DATA. ABORT ABORT ABORT.”
OH GOD, I’M GOING TO BE LIKE THAT ENGLISH WOMAN WHO HAD TO PAY £14,000 FOR STREAMING AN EPISODE OF MY FAMILY ON HER HOLIDAYS. WHAT HAVE I DONE?
7. “The tea is awful quare here.”
Yes, it’s an Irish stereotype, but criticising the tea offering and lamenting not bringing teabags with you is part and parcel of every holiday abroad.
8. “Let’s see what the weather is like at home, shall we?”
We Irish enjoy a healthy dose of schadenfreude and there’s nothing we love more than finding out the weather is shite at home when we’re on holidays. *smugly drinks pina colada*
9. “Passport, money, phone. Passport, money, phone.”
Going on holidays brings out your inner Mam and you find yourself repeating this three-word mantra every time you leave the apartment/hotel. Passport, money, phone. Passport, money, phone.
10. “Of course it would piss rain when we came here.”
If it rains when you’re on your holiday, it’s normal to think that you’ve brought the rain with you. “Oh, of course it would rain as soon as I got here.” No, it couldn’t possibly be down to Mother Nature. It’s all down to the fact that you’re from Ireland and therefore can’t have nice things. Goddamnit.
11. “Tá an fear… eh…. an-dathúil.”
Because it wouldn’t be an Irish holiday if you didn’t speak some rusty Irish for the sake of it
<3
