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17 things that are quicker than Irish Rail wifi

What are we supposed to do to pass the time? Read?


Whether it’s reproductive rights or public transport, we’re not up to scratch with a lot of our European counterparts in a lot of areas.

Technology remains a stickler though.

Only two years ago, our senators couldn’t pronounce the word ‘wifi’ correctly. That says it all really, doesn’t it?

To quote philosopher Kim Kardashian, tragic.

We’re just about getting to grips with equipping our transport routes with wireless internet, but we really need to talk about the worst of a bad bunch.

… Irish Rail wifi.

In summary, it is Not Good™. It either doesn’t work or is extremely slow.

So incredibly slow, that these things are currently lapping the service.

1. Your ex blue messaging you on Snapchat after you put up a hot selfie to your story.

“Hey, how’s things? Long time no talk :)”

2. You liking and unliking your ex’s Instagram post from 84 weeks ago.

And potentially then deleting your account. There is no recovering.

3. You deactivating, then reactivating your social media accounts after having your fortnightly breakdown.

“I just need a break from it all!”

*fours hour later*

“Haha, look at this GIF.”

4. The ad breaks on Great British Bake Off.

Never has the transition from programming to advertising been so speedy.

5. The queues in Zara during the sale.

Teri Pengilley Teri Pengilley

6. Your contouring routine.

Jaclyn Hill / YouTube

7. The wait for the next series of Game Of Thrones.

8. Brexit negotiations.

9.  A person with no teeth eating a Drumstick lolly.


10. You un-matching with someone on Tinder.

11. You making plans with someone before inevitably cancelling them.

12. Your Dominos order after Electric Picnic.

*refreshes app*

(For any Irish Rail users, the words ‘refresh’ and ‘app’ will be foreign concepts.

13. Dublin Bus when the primary schools are back.


14. You when you hear your mam’s car coming in the drive way and you remember that she asked you to take out mince to defrost.

15. Stormzy leaving the GQ Awards to go to the AIM Awards.

16. You replying to people who ghosted you for a week.

17. You downing your drink when you hear the taxi pull up.


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