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some dose

13 very Irish stages of having a dose

[Karen from Mean Girls voice] I’m sick.

1. Starting to feel a little bit sick, but putting it down to a lack of sleep or ‘anaemia’

“Yeah, no, I think I’m a bit anaemic. That’s what this is.”

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2. Going out on the razz and trying to drink through the pain

It’s just a head cold, after all. Nothing a few glasses of wine and keeping your coat on outside can’t sort.

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3. And feeling like boiled shite the next day

THAT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA, WHY DID I DO THAT?

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4. Downing these like there’s no tomorrow

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5. Finding yourself out and about without a tissue and wishing you were the type of person to carry around little packets of tissues on your person at all times

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6. Sitting at your desk and feeling very sorry for yourself as you Google “cold cures”

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7. Calling your Mam for much-needed counsel because you’re really a big baby

There’s nothing quite like a dose to make you revert back to being a four-year-old. “Do you have a cold, love? I hear that’s going around.”  You find this strangely comforting.

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8. Eating the head off her when she suggests that maybe you should go to a doctor

Do I look like I’m made of money?

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9. And thanking her when she gives important Mam Medical Advice like “drink loads of water” and “get yourself to the chemist and buy some Vicks”

THANK YOU, DR. MAM!

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10. Talking incessantly about how bad of a dose you have

And snorting/coughing just to really hammer home how congested you are.

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11. Finding a fellow sniffles sufferer and getting competitive with them about who has the worse dose

“I’ve been through two boxes.”

“Oh yeah? Well I went through a nine-pack of toilet roll… before breakfast this morning.”

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12. Carefully applying moisturiser/foundation to your nose to cover the redness and ease with the dryness

13. And doing this important research when the weekend rolls around…

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