AN IRISH WEDDING is a beautiful and extremely unique thing.
No one knows that more than the star of the show: the bride.
Weddings are a celebration of love, of course, but it’s also when friends and extended family collide, over drinks and dancing. And for a bride, that can mean a few bumps in the road along the way to happily ever after…
1. Your uncle up doing embarrassing dancing
After a few sherries have been had by all, and the DJ drops an Irish wedding classic like Maniac 2000 or Galway Girl, you’re bound to see some pretty, ahem, interesting moves on the dancefloor. Guaranteed there will be some dodgy shapes thrown by an extremely enthusiastic uncle. Let’s just pray he can get up again after Rock The Boat.
2. The battle of the fascinators
Irish weddings also have a pretty notable dress code. Hats are de rigueur, but fascinators (basically little mini-hats tenuously perched atop the head) are even more rife. Your mam, Mother of the Bridezilla, will be in a pastel coloured dress. With a matching coat. Natch.
A bride also has the stress of wondering whether or not a guest will rock up to the do wearing the same dress as her bridesmaids. What a scene.
3. That awkward first dance
Irish men are fantastic at many, many things. But, let’s face it, dancing is definitely not one of them. Imagine the scene: it’s one of the best, biggest moments of your life, stepping onto the dancefloor at your lovely wedding, and your new husband stands on your toe before elbowing you over. Well, that’s an Irish bride’s first dance.
It’s less like this:
And more like this:
4. Weather woes
And of course, the Child of Prague has to be left out in advance – otherwise you might not get the weather. Weather, while admittedly always a distinctly Irish staple topic of conversation, is discussed at weddings with borderline obsession. “Sure isn’t it great it isn’t raining for you, all the same?” A bride has to hear this nigh-on 50 times during the day.
5. You know the guests are probably starving
Weddings are a long old day, all told, and there can be gaps that really should be filled by a meal – but are taken up with photos, milling around and, yes, long-winded discussion about the weather. Guests are probably dying for a sandwich and a sit-down, and the bride also has to mildly worry about how those first few pints will hit the empty stomachs of the more rowdy in the congregation…
6. The best man embarrassing your fella
Slagging is basically how Irish males communicate with each other. A best man’s speech is essentially one, long, pre-prepared list of insults levelled against the groom – but at least it also includes the occasional compliment paid to the bride. As it should be, really.
7. Wardrobe malfunctions
Many women (and, increasingly, men) live in fear on nights out that a part of their glad-rags will suddenly refuse to cooperate. That could mean anything from a broken heel, to a broken strap, an unfortunate altercation with an over-enthusiastic tap in the bathroom, or – heaven forfend – sweat marks. Now, think about that normal night out anxiety – and double it for a wedding.
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