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Dublin: 12 °C Saturday 4 April, 2020

11 of the most inappropriate Clarksonisms ever uttered on Top Gear

He’s not afraid to hold back, anyway.

SO AS WE all know by now, Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended from Top Gear for allegedly punching a producer after there was no catering at a filming location.

It’s not the first time he’s been controversial, even down to the little things he says. Introducing, Clarksonisms.

On er, Keira Knightly

I’m sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.
Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.

On the M3

But honestly I’d have one of those if I were the sort of person who looked at my sister and thought, mmmm.

Source: rgfmr/YouTube


The air conditioning in a Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

As for his comparisons…

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Ooh good I’ve got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.’
Sure it’s quiet, for a diesel. But that’s like being well-behaved… for a murderer.
You cannot have this car with a diesel. Its like saying, I won’t go to Stringfellows tonight, I’ll get my mum to give me a lapdance, she’s a woman!

On driving an M1

It’s as if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

On bus lanes

145 Bus on route Source: desomurchu archive gallery

I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

On lorry drivers

What matters to lorry drivers? Murdering prostitutes? Fuel economy?

Source: Peter Kirchner/YouTube

On cyclists

Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.

He has spoken.

Here’s what Jeremy Clarkson has to say about the whole suspension thing >

9 other times Jeremy Clarkson got himself into a ‘fracas’ >

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