LOCAL NEWS STATIONS are something we don’t really have in Ireland.
Lucky for us our friends across the pond totally make up for this and they really came into their own on St. Patrick’s Day.
In a segment called ‘Local News Cannot Be Trusted With St. Patrick’s Day’, we are shown why American local news stations may need to be sedated for Paddy’s Day 2019. It’s only a minute long but by god it is painful.
Let’s break it down.
First off, there are the accents
There are SO many terrible accents. All of them are repeating that line ‘Top of the morning to ya’ which incidentally nobody in Ireland has said since about the 1870s or maybe ever.
Our good friend Jerry here says it with a look which implies he may lock you under the stairs if you don’t say it back to him.
These guys manage to mess it up entirely and say ‘Top of the morning for ya’ which is both wrong and makes a sentence which is already nonsensical somehow more nonsensical.
Then we have the lucky charms
Lucky Charms which is an American breakfast cereal that’s been around since 1964 and is about as Irish as Brad Pitt’s accent in ‘Snatch’.
According to this lovely station ‘They’re always stealing my Lucky Charms’ is very Irish indeed.
And then there’s these pair
And honestly the presenter’s reaction is the same as mine. The sigh in his voice as he goes ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhh dear’ is truly a masterpiece in broadcasting.
Also why are they drinking green beer at what appears to be sunrise? You can’t buy alcohol here before 10am like at least keep it authentic.
Then we have this t-shirt
I need to find this t-shirt so I can burn it.
Also the woman here is trying to ‘do a jig’ but her pants appear to be falling down which is both a blessing and a pity.
AND THEN THERE’S THIS GUY
‘Leapin’ Larry the World’s Largest Leprechaun’. Look at that attention to detail though with the shamrocks around the weather forecast and those little green hats too. Truly what St. Patrick would have wanted.
Finally we get to the end
By god is it worth it. These two presenters attempting to do a jig and unfortunately it doesn’t go very well.
His face just screams ‘I’ve made a terrible mistake’.
While her face just screams ‘VIRAL’.
He’s fine but you do hear him go ‘I’m just gonna lie here for awhile’ so I hope he’s reflecting on his life decisions and chooses never to do that again, for his own sake.
See you next Paddy’s Day America.
