THE GUILT IS a bit like the fear. It’s that unmistakable sinking feeling that eats away at you long after you’ve forgotten quite why.
But sometimes it’s irrational, good old Catholic guilt.
1. Not doing anything on a Sunday
Sunday is a day of rest, but God forbid you actually stay indoors resting.
There’s an unwritten rule that one must busy themselves with every leisurely activity possible to get a bit of ‘fresh air’ for the day that’s in it. Get in the car, drive up the mountains, go visiting show-houses. Whatever. Nobody actually enjoys it but at least you’re forcibly spending time together.
2. Afternoon naps
We’ve all said it, “I’m just closing my eyes for two minutes…” oh no, it’s two hours later, your phone has been ringing off the hook and basically you’ve just ruined your whole body clock, have a weird taste in your mouth, and wasted two hours of the evening. The SHAME. Hope nobody saw.
3. Speaking to a garda
You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong but still are consumed by that overwhelming feeling that you should just confess up to every minor bad thing you’ve ever done and submit yourself to a life of imprisonment.
4. Buying Solpadeine
What’s with the third degree? Maybe you deserve it though. Why won’t paracetamol do? What exactly is wrong with you?
Forget it, and here, have the money anyway.
5. Showing ID to a doorman
You’re doubting your age, you hand your ID to the bouncer and stare vacantly at them, waiting for them to see through this massive charade that’s somehow occurring unbeknownst of you. Your shady glances cause him to ask your age, which you completely forget in your bout of nervousness. SORRY FOR BEING BORN.
6. Being late
Everyone will be waiting there for you in distress and will probably never hang out with you again for fear you’ll always be late.
7. Cancelling plans
You promised you’d go out, but you’ve let them down. In your head, they now seriously hate you until you see them next and you’ll both act like nothing ever happened. Until then, it’s terror.
8. Wasting food
Children are starving all over the world and you can’t be bothered to shove that third bowl of pasta down your gut because you didn’t ration enough when boiling it. Or those three-for-two fruit salads in the fridge. Now they’re mouldy, like your conscience.
9. Eating junk food
So good at the time, well, until you’re halfway through, when you still feel really gross and full but keep on eating. Ease the guilt and keep the oil seeping from your pores at bay by telling yourself that the diet starts on Monday.
10. Calling in sick
It’s never as joyful as you expect once you hang up the phone. Lie in your bed of misery and feelings that you’ve let your colleagues down. And don’t forget that everyone thinks you’re faking it.
11. Not replying to a text
You read it ages ago but hadn’t time to reply. Now it’s too long ago to write back without needing an apology and now everything is just far too complicated for your liking.
