IN 1997 AMERICAN columnist Mary Schmich penned an essay written as a hypothetical commencement speech, which she titled ‘Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young’.
But here at DailyEdge.ie we’re more hopeful than that, so here’s 14 pieces of advice that Irish lads and lassies have about that ineffable thing we call ‘love’.
1) Karen, 28, dating someone new
I remember my Mum telling me about when she fell in love with my Dad that she couldn’t explain that it’s a case of “when you know, you just know, you know?” I’m like, wow reeeeal helpful Mum. But I think I might know that feeling now. It’s just a certainty you can’t explain I guess.
2) Abbi, 27, in a relationship
The idea that love is something you do rather than something that happens to you, and being with someone is agreeing to be with whoever they become as they grow rather than just who they are today.
3) Rachel, 27, recently single
Life is a series of random events. If something good happens, go for it as it might not come around again.
4) Luke, 28, back in a relationship with an ex
The best piece of advice I got was from my step father. He told me none of the complications that led to us breaking up were anything new, that everyone has complications and that complications are just things that you can negotiate as you mature. He also said that we were both in a state of self discovery and to treat her with respect because at some stage down the line we would probably want to give it another go…I’m not sure if that says anything about “love” but it was sound advice for me at the time.
5) Sophie, 27, in a 5 year relationship.
This may sound cliche! So I think that Love is more of a feeling. I don’t think it has to be sexual, but is more a feeling of total security and feeling like you’re home. You’ll be surprised who you end up falling in love with! You can dream all you like about looks & money, but nothing is worth more than finding someone you feel totally happy and comfortable with. It’s totally a sense of security for me.
6) Eimer, 31, in a relationship
Love is when home becomes a person, not a place. (That’s honestly the best way I can describe it) so I would advise someone to use that idea as an indicator as to whether it’s real or not.
8) Cathy, 29, single
My friend has a very small piece of advice, but she always said that no matter what happens in a relationship, on a date anything like that, just remember it’s all an experience. It’s life experience. You learn from every encounter with love, I guess.
8) Alan, 27, single, quoted his friend’s mother.
Don’t marry for money, but marry where money is.
(Who hurt you Alan?)
8) Joseph, 58, married for 3 decades used a Bible reference.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5
9) Úna, 24, in a relationship for 4 years, quoted Nat King Cole’s 1947 song ‘Nature Boy’, reintroduced to the millennial generation by Baz Luhrmann’s film Moulin Rouge.
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.
10) Hannah, 39, single
Love is … never having to say you’re sorry
11) Sadhbh, 19, single
I would advise a friend that if she ‘loves’ someone you should really be, at the base, best friends. A lot of love comes from being comfortable with each other and being able to trust that person. I would advise her to not put all her time on that person and to not block her friends out; have separate friends, go out and do your own thing. You should be able to have your own separate lives and then at the end of the day be able to confide in each other about everything you’ve experienced separately. You should be able to bring it all back to yourselves.
12) Gerry, 50, divorced
Don’t base anything on looks. Take time and get to know people. If they’re kind and respectful you’re onto a good thing.
13) Charlotte, 30, in a relationship for 8 years
Enjoy the journey. Don’t try to rush things to reach commitment fast. Enjoy the thrill of your first kiss, the butterfly in the belly of exchanging text messages — and also the passion and turpitudes that come naturally with the ambiguity of a new relationship.
14) Cillian, 28, in a relationship
If you love someone give it your all. Don’t end up regretting not doing/saying something and unsure of where you stand.
Remember, though, to take all of this advice with a pinch of salt because as Mary said in her essay:
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
Bonus Fact: Mary’s essay was turned into a spoken-word song by director Baz Luhrmann. The chorus of the song is played as Romeo and Juliet get married in Luhrmann’s beautiful 1996 film, starring Claire Danes and Leonardo di Caprio.
