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Dublin: 8 °C Sunday 17 February, 2019
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This Meath bike advert is the most badass bike advert in the world

Or at least, from Meath.

A MAN IN Ratoath, Co Meath is selling his bike, a TM250 Enduro.

Source: Adverts.ie

But there’s one catch. He will only, ONLY sell it to “the manliest of men (or women).”

The product description in the ad is perhaps the finest literary work ever posted on Adverts.ie.

So who can’t buy it?

If you wear white framed sun glasses or jeans with fancy pockets. . . get lost. If your greatest talent is doing 3-foot long pop wheelies in front of your sh**head friends in your cousin’s back yard while everyone drinks Dutch gold. . .forget it! If you rock out to Taylor Swift or Justin Beiber. . .Nope!

Does it come with any special features?

It has a tall special blood/gore resistant seat and tall pegs, so if you’re being chased by terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your AR15 and ride at the same time. 

Source: Adverts.ie

What about seating?

Why’s it got only one seat?” you ask. “How am I supposed to get action?” Child, listen. No one gets tail while on the bike. I know. I’ve tried. And, despite my extraordinary flexibility, exceptional agility and size 29 shoe size. . .the mechanics just don’t work.

But… if it’s so good, why are you selling it?

Cause being alive rules, and I’m far too gnarly of a dude to keep this motorcycle. When I see a golf course, a motorway ramp, or 120ft Gaping canyon,I wanna hit them 5th gear pinned, and whip or back flip so hard it makes Travis Pastrana cry like a school girl! Hey I’ve experienced life. Now it’s your turn!

Source: Adverts.ie

How will I know if I’m right for this bike?

Go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Is it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double? You realize that once you claim this rig, you become a super chic magnet. Hotties within seven time zones will be ensnared by its gravitational pull.If this is your future, then contact me.

More: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives excellent, no-nonsense defence of same-sex marriage>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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