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Dublin: 16 °C Saturday 20 July, 2024
be grand

12 things every Irish person says during midweek pints

“I have exactly 3 hours and 13 minutes of sleep.”

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MIDWEEK PINTS HIT their glorious peak on Thursdays.

They’re defined by looming commitments the next day and a litany of lies you can’t help but tell yourself.

And the timeline looks something like this:

11am: “Nah, I won’t join you. Will probably have a quiet one in tonight”

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1.04pm: “Well actually, I’ll come along for one”

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6.21pm: “I’m actually feeling a bit thirsty, not gonna lie”

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The justification begins.

7.08pm: “Sure I can’t skip out on a round, I’ll get the next ones”

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Pint number two is happening.

8.43pm: “Ah it’s Thursday, you’d be mad to be going home”

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You start convincing others to stay out.

You’ve gone full 180 and are now the chief pint ringleader.

10.55pm: “I’ll definitely get the last bus”

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LIES.

MORE LIES.

11:40pm: “I’ve missed the last bus now, and I don’t give a flying f**k”

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You knew it was going this way.

12.52am: “MOOORE”

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1.43am: “Just heading off to the jacks”

Translation: I’m leaving without saying a word.

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1.44am, muttered to yourself: “Tomorrow will be GRAND”

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Lies compound the lies.

2.11am: “This kebab will serve me well in the morning”

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3.47am: “I have exactly 3 hours and 13 minutes of sleep, I hate every single one of my life choices”

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