BEING A DRIVER in Ireland is a tough gig.
1. Taking the test, obviously
2. When a mysterious light comes on the dash
3. Looking through the little window during the NCT and planning how you’ll dispose of the car later
4. Approaching a garda checkpoint
5. When you spot a speed van and have to make EXTRA sure you aren’t going over the limit
6. When you ask someone for directions and can feel yourself forgetting them as they’re saying them
7. Negotiating an insurance decrease on the phone
8. When you’re WAY back in the traffic and the light goes green and you constantly worry it’s gonna go orange before you get there
9. This petrol indicator
10. Going over ramps on the way to the bottle bank
11. When something falls under the car seat while your driving and you accept that you’ll never see it again
12. Turning on the car and hearing the radio BLAST out from the last time you had it on
13. Your mam grabbing the oh Jesus handle
14. When you return to your car and you’re iced out
15. When a lorry is driving with loads of shite on the back of it that you’re certain will kill you
16. When you see the clampers turn the corner you’re parked on and become convinced you didn’t pay for long enough
17. When you’re first in line at the lights and feel the pressure to watch for green
18. Attempting to parallel park when another car comes up behind you
19. When you get road rage at some asshole and end up pulling up beside them at the traffic lights
20. When you realise you thanked someone but hadn’t turned your hazard lights off having driven about 10 miles down the road
21. When someone over takes you and you become convinced they are laughing at how slow you are
22. When someone has left a note on the screen, and for a brief second you think you’ve been clamped
23. Crossing a tiny bridge in the back end of the schticks and not knowing what might come at ye
