IT’S MAY WHICH means it should not be as cold and frosty as it keeps being. I think it’s safe to assume that the weather is actually fake news.
My horoscope just told me I’d attract suitors for “about 3 weeks” and honestly that sounds accurate, if not a tiny bit optimistic.
— Nicole (@nicolecasey_2) April 22, 2018
Anyway the start of a new month means we need to do some predicting and see what the stars (or the clouds since most of the time we can’t see the stars) have in store for us.
Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th
You’ve decided that the sun burn you got while drinking cans at the canal in those ten minutes of summer that we had was totally worth it. You’ve got a tan and a Facebook profiler for the next 3 months which should make everyone in work jealous. Bastards.
Relatable tweet:
Ripped jeans are a great idea until you end up with two scalded knees and a farmer tan on your ankles
— C A T (@magicgoeshere) April 21, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Dara O’Briain
Pisces: February 18th – March 20th
You’re spending too much time on Ireland Simpson’s Fans when you should be doing literally anything else. You vow to make May your month of change as you have done each new month this year. You’ll get there eventually.
Relateable tweet:
when we become president we have to change the name of the plane from Air Force one to Yeezy force one ☝️
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) April 25, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Aisling Bea
Aries: March 21st – April 19th
You want to be adventurous but you’re afraid of what people might think of you. Look you might as well be honest and put the fact that you’re a fan of Jedward on your Tinder profile. You’ll meet the right person eventually.
Relateable tweet:
Is there like a tinder where you can find people who just enjoy baking and you meet up and eat their baked goods because you enjoy eating?
— Joanna O'Malley (@Joanna_OMalley) April 19, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Francis Brennan
Taurus: April 20th – May 20th
Like the raging bull you are you’ve steamed headfirst into an argument that you really shouldn’t have got involved in. You’re going to spend the entire month making up for it by buying your mates a lot of cocktails and garlic cheese chips.
Relatable tweet:
My team = whatever cocktail of insecurities and anxieties I’m currently carting around with me
— Alan (@alan_maguire) April 23, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Lucy Kennedy
Gemini: May 21st – June 20th
Things are definitely looking up for you this month. Yes you’re stressed in work and yes everything feels a little overwhelming but it will be ok. Knuckle down and keep going and buy yourself something nice. Like a skirt or an entire new wardrobe.
Relateable tweet:
I always get so nervous when I donate stuff to charity like they’re gonna be like these clothes are ugly... keep them
— F Í A (@punchedmonet_) April 23, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Colin Farrell
Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd
You’re very excited about the Royal Wedding mainly because of the amount of planning that’s going into it. You love planning. Have you considered looking up An Bord Pleanala’s website? They’ve lots of stuff about planning.
Relateable tweet:
Can we come to the Royal wedding? pic.twitter.com/aHF1FHtXSK
— Sarah Breen (@SarahJayBee) March 9, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Aenghus MacGrianna
Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd
Neptune is acting up a bit which means you’re a bit more unsure of yourself than usual. Don’t be. Your friends need you to organise those predrinks before going out to Diceys because you’re the only one who can.
Relateable Tweet:
me at predrinks pic.twitter.com/3D8S0nQx3j
— kelly (@earley) November 16, 2017
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Claire Byrne
Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd
Having decided last month that you’re going to be forever alone you locked yourself in your room and looked at pictures of puppies for the month. This month you’re more ‘Can’t Cope, Won’t Cope’ and going with the flow. Own it.
Relatable tweet:
Wish I could send my dog music
— Adam (@RummHammm) April 28, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Niall Horan
Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd
You’re balanced life has become a bit more unbalanced as of late. Also your friends are doing your head in. Take a breath and remember that Mercury is in retrograde and most of this isn’t your fault. Except for the parts that are of course.
Relateable tweet:
dont blame it on the sunshine
— rebecca (@rbcakn) April 29, 2018
dont blame it on the moonlight
dont blame it on the good times
blame it on the mercury in retrograde
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Gerry Adams
Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st
That new Harry Potter game is amazing isn’t it? Pity you got sorted into Hufflepuff when you thought you were a Ravenclaw. We’re all Hufflepuffs at heart really, just trying to get by. You’re just doing your best.
Relateable tweet:
Without having read or seen a single Harry Potter book/film, I know I'm Hufflepuff.
— Margaret Cabourn-Smith (@MCabournSmith) January 29, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Willie O’Dea
Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st
It’s been a long month and you’re just tired man. May is set to be long too so take your naps where you can fin them and find some more podcasts to distract you. Also stop being such an absolute disaster.
Relatable tweet:
I can't tell if I want to do a podcast or need a therapist.
— Ruff Beggar (@ArmadilloOwl) April 29, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Sonia O’Sullivan
Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th
Nobody seems to be able to cope with the weather except you. You’re exceptional organisational skills means everyone is coming to you for a poncho, some sunscreen and a hairbrush all at the same time.
Relateable tweet:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IRISH WEATHER AND AT THIS POINT I'M TOO AFRAID TO ASK
— tom hardly (@toastykneecaps) April 22, 2018
The Irish celeb you should embody for May: Kate O’Connell
