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What to watch on TV today: Not The RTÉ Guide Christmas special

Settle in for a day of great telly.

xmas eve in the 60's ~Twon~ ~Twon~

TWITTER LEGEND AND TV oracle @NotTheRTEGuide is back with another festive telly guide to get you through the day. 

06:30 RTÉ Two Is That It?

Live footage of parents watching their children play with their new Hatchimals for the first time


08:00 TG4 Frost/Nixon

A 2008 historical drama about Richard Nixon on Christmas Morning because TG4 plays by its own rules baby

09:00 RTÉ One Mass

Just get it out of the way early. We picked a priest that promises to keep it quick.

Before Midnight Mass Christmas 2006 HAM guy HAM guy

10:00 RTÉ Two Don’t Let Trump Ruin Christmas

Helpful tips for teens on tactfully changing the subject when an older relative says that Trump might be anything other than a harbinger of the apocalypse

11:30 RTÉ One It’s A Wonderful Life

A sad billionaire is worried that he’s losing his grip on Irish society until an angel appears and tells him to sue everybody until they love him again

13:00 TV3 Gilson All The Way

Glenda Gilson travels around Ireland in a one-horse open sleigh throwing shade at people’s Christmas Day outfits.

Persil Fashion Awards Pictured (LtoR) Leon Farrell / Leon Farrell / /

14:00 RTÉ Two Old Saint Nicky

Nicky Byrne dresses up as Santa and sings his Eurovision song again because we spent a lot of money on it and have decided it’s a Christmas song now

15:00 RTÉ One A Christmas Message From Those Rowing Brothers From The Olympics Jesus Doesn’t That Seem Like Forever Ago Now What Has 2016 Done To Us What’s Going To Happen To Our Planet

Rio Olympic Games 2016 - Day Seven PA Wire / PA Images PA Wire / PA Images / PA Images

15:15 RTÉ One The Big Christmas Movie

A Shaky iPhone Video Of Ryan Tubridy Making Everybody Watch Him Sing Frank Sinatra’s Greatest Hits At The RTÉ Christmas Karaoke Party

17:00 RTÉ One Nathan Carter Enjoys Your Dinner

Experimental VR show which lets your Mam experience what it would be like if Nathan Carter complimented her roast potatoes.

18:00 RTÉ One The Angelus feat. Nicky Byrne

Seriously, we really need Nicky Byrne’s Eurovision song to become a Christmas classic or else we’re out a lot of money.

Sweden Eurovision Song Competition Martin Meissner Martin Meissner

18:03:38 RTÉ One SixThreeAndThirtyEightSeconds News

A stark reminder that the horrors of 2016 haven’t taken a break for Christmas Day and also 2FM’s Nicky Byrne performs his Eurovision song and Christmas favourite, Sunlight

19:30 TG4 Ros Na Rún Christmas Special

Ros Na Rún blows pretty much its entire budget for the year by having Mark Hamill appear as “Duke Drywalker”, a mysterious hooded figure holidaying on a nearby island.

20:00 RTÉ Two Vogue Does Christmas

A live feed of Vogue Williams at Christmas, probably in pajamas watching Gone With The Wind with a warm glass of Prosecco

21:00 RTÉ Two Special Snowflakes Seasonal Special

Millennials try to speak up on a panel show about why they are more politically and socially aware than previous generations but get shouted down by journalists who maintain the last good band was Genesis.

Snowflake hurricanemaine hurricanemaine

20:30 Fair City Christmas Special

Dolores and Niamh compete in a charity MMA match. It gets nastier than anyone bargained for.

22:00 Live Crib On TV3

Some of the best-known faces from the channel participate in a live crib, broadcast to your homes. We asked Vincent Browne to be the angel Gabriel but he says he’s ‘allergic to animal dander’. Sure, Vincent.

23:00 TV3 The Festive Audit with Vincent Browne

Vincent Browne obtains a leaked copy of Santa’s naughty or nice list and compares it to the presents that children actually got


Not The RTÉ Guide is Alan Maguire and Ellen Tannam of It has been providing the finest fake television listings to the nation since 2012.

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