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Dublin: 5 °C Monday 17 February, 2020

14 secrets to living a really, really long time, according to the world's oldest people

Raw eggs, no men and lots of whiskey.

Italy Oldest Woman Source: Antonio Calanni

THIS WEEK, EMMA Morano, the world’s oldest living person, celebrated her 117th birthday and revealed her secrets to longevity.

Every few months, a very old person reveals their secret to a long and happy life, and they are always completely bonkers.

Let’s look back at some of these ~secrets~ and try glean some wisdom, shall we?

If you want to live for a long time, just do what 117-year-old Emma Morano did, and remain single and eat raw eggs every day.

ra Source: CNN

If you see a man, run away from him. He will quite literally suck the life out of you. Oh, and eat porridge.


avod Source: Daily Mail

Don’t forget to eat sushi and sleep lots!

suh Source:

But also don’t sleep too much because one of the secrets to longevity is hard work!

do Source: The Sun

Supplement the raw eggs, porridge and sushi with sausages, rashers and cider vinegar.

vine Source: The Mirror

While you’re at it, commence smoking immediately.

smoking Source: Mirror

Don’t go to bed without having at least one whiskey.

whis Source: BBC

Actually, scratch that. Make that one whiskey and three beers.

eer Source: Cosmopolitan

And expose yourself to wild, wild women as often as you can.

wi Source: Independent

Eat loads of chocolate.

choc Source: Mirror

You should just avoid sex altogether and get really into yoga instead.

stay Source: USA Today

Consume all the bacon you possibly can.

time Source: Time

Have no stress in your life :)

stress Source: Daily Mail

And if all that fails, just be a Japanese woman.

be Source: Margolis

So, to recap…

  • You should cut anything that isn’t bacon, chocolate, porridge, sushi, eggs and sausages out of your diet.
  • Stop having sex immediately.
  • No men.
  • But lots of wild, wild women.
  • Develop a serious smoking habit.
  • Have beer and whiskey every day.
  • Work hard.
  • Practice yoga.
  • Have no worries.
  • Be Japanese.


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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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