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PICS: What the men of the Oscars were REALLY thinking

While everyone looked at the women’s dresses.

"This is hell." "I know."
Image: Press Association

ALL EYES ARE on the women at the Oscars.

The frocks, the glamour, the Mani-Cam. The people who looked like runny tarmac on a hot day.

Meanwhile, Hollywood’s men – save for the occasional bearded Adonis – slip by almost unnoticed.

But we have gained exclusive access to the inner minds of Hollywood’s finest males. Here’s what they were thinking while Jennifer Lawrence was stealing their spotlight:

PICS: What the men of the Oscars were REALLY thinking
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  • Tommy 'Goddamn, I Think I Left The Immersion On' Lee Jones

  • Robert 'Desperate For A Whiz, All Those Capri-Suns Were A Bad Idea' De Niro

  • Liev 'This Will All Be Over Soon Enough' Schreiber

  • Richard 'Remember When I Smooched Julia Roberts? Man, What A Rush' Gere

  • Gael 'I Thought This Was A Thunderbirds Theme Night' Garcia Bernal

  • Jeremy 'Do I Look Nice? Does My Appearance Please You?' Renner

  • Paul 'I Wish Owen Wilson Was Here' Rudd

  • Mark 'Yes, My Wife's Name Is Sunrise, And Your Point Is?' Ruffalo

  • Quentin 'See This, Mother? I Haven't Buttoned My Shirt' Tarantino

  • Don 'If My Wife Is Rolling Her Eyes Again, There'll Be Trouble' Johnson

  • Chris 'Did You See My Watch? This Is My Watch' Tucker

  • Alan 'I'm Adorable' Arkin

  • Bradley 'One More Crack About My Mother's Runners And I'll Snap' Cooper

  • Michael 'I'm Getting Photobombed, Amn't I?' Douglas

  • Eddie 'No, These Aren't Slippers, And They Were Very Expensive' Redmayne

  • Daniel 'Make Sure This Stubble Shows Up On Camera, Or You'll Never Work In This Town Again' Radcliffe

  • George 'Do I Look Short? Wait, Am I Short?' Clooney

  • Channing 'Will There Be Salami At Dinner?' Tatum

About the author:

Michael Freeman

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