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# don't speak
14 phrases you'd never hear an Irish person say
Ah begorra begosh.

YOU’LL NEVER HEAR one of these phrases come out of the mouth of an Irish person.

1. Begorra begosh

We’re not quite sure when or how this came about, but no Irish person has ever uttered this.

Well, maybe if we were taking the piss out of the way Hollywood interprets our accents. But ONLY then.

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2. Top of the morning to you

See above. We’re more likely to say it’s a horrible morning.

3. I actually feel a bit British, deep down

Yeah, we might say this if we want to alienate ourselves every single friend and family we have from Ireland.

how-dare-you Wordpress Wordpress

4. Ireland, the UK, it’s all the same

Saying this phrase is a bit like chanting Bloody Mary into the mirror three times. You’re basically begging for a horror story.

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5. Ah bejaysus

Who do Americans think we go around putting ‘be’ in front of everything? Jaysus like.

abejaysus - Copy Native Eireann Native Eireann

6. Thanks, it was really expensive

An Irish person would rather sell all their humanly possessions for a cent rather than admit they splashed out on something fancy.

Instead, they might offer you an explanation about how it was on sale, or from Penneys, when you offer a compliment.


7. I’m doing well for myself, amn’t I great

Can you imagine? The words would be only out of your mouth before you’d be accused of having all sorts of notions and thinking a lot of yourself.

Instead, we’ll offer you reasons why all is not as well as it seems, but things could be worse you suppose. Do you think Ruth Negga will even mention her Oscar down the backarse of Dooradoyle? No, she won’t.


8. Cork is the real capital

A true Irish person knows that Cork is most certainly not the real capital. Even Cork people know this isn’t true.

Cork at night jf1234 jf1234

7. I don’t actually know which house to go for

You have no choice. You will go for the one you can afford, which kinda resembles the shed you used to keep your bike in as a child.

PastedImage-68383 Mark Stedman, Mark Stedman,

8. RTÉ deserve every penny of this license fee

PAH. They do in your hoop.


9. The Late Late lineup is great this week

Even if an Irish person actually did like the Late Late line-up this week, admitting it would be the last thing they’d do.

PastedImage-1395 RTE RTE

10. The government are doing their best

Ah, don’t give them such a hard time. They’re doing their best.

- said no Irish person, ever.


11. Can we talk about something other than the weather?

The looks you’d get. What else is there to talk about?

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12. It’s called St.Patty’s Day

It’s not. It’s St Paddy’s Day.


13. Bono is a talented musician and a sound man

Listen, we know Bono is a talented musician, and perhaps he is even a sound man. We will just never, ever, never admit it.

PastedImage-80450 John Salangsang, AP John Salangsang, AP

14. I haven’t had a pint as nice as that back home

If an Irish man or woman takes a sip of foreign Guinness and proclaims it to be nicer than any they’ve sampled at home, they are having an episode. Seek help.

Well all know that the correct response is to take a drop and describe it as absolute muck, no matter what the standard.

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