CHRISTMAS TREES WILL be popping up all over Ireland this weekend.
But it’s not all fun and festive frolics, no way. It’s a task, a horror you must face year on year.
Why?
1. The ‘big clean’ is inevitable
You can’t put up a tree in a dusty living room, and as much as you may think you can–you CAN’T just decorate around your empty cups with some fairy lights. The big Christmas clean is one of the most dreaded events in the calendar, all thanks to the usual precision of the Irish mammy.
2. Reefing them out is a never-ending task
It SEEMED like a fun, festive idea at the time, but once you get going, it’s a massive chore. Usually it’s a trek up to the attic, and that cinnamon candle is no match for the smell of dust and insulation.
How do you have SO MUCH CHRISTMAS CRAP? Boxes and old newspapers just keep on coming down, curse last year you for not packing them properly. In fairness, you DO need those 20 Santa figurines.
3. The decorations before lights argument
The cause of 99% of family fights before the Christmas Day war breaks out. Lights or decorations first? OBVIOUSLY LIGHTS. But try telling that to your stubborn other half.
4. Uneven distribution
It FELT perfect but you take a step back and your tree is pretty much like this:
5. Blown lights
Switch on the lights, and it’s even worse. You thought you had peaked when you opened the box to see half of your baubles smashed.
6. 20 breaks
What should have taken you the guts of 2 hours turns into an epic journey that would rival the ascent on Everest. You can’t help stopping every 10 minutes for a break or to oogle and old decoration you forgot you had.
7. Animals attack
If you have a pet, it’s going to ruin everything you’ve just achieved, and it won’t take longer than 10 seconds. Cancel Christmas now.
8. Glitter, everywhere
Good luck NOT finding glitter in every nook and crevice for the next 3 months.
