1. The ‘Who?’ brigade
Not the people who live in Whoville, (although they might as well) – the people who watching the opening episode of Celebrity Big Brother and scoff, “‘Celebrity’, is it?! I couldn’t name one person in that line-up!”
That might have something to do with the fact that you stopped watching TV in 1992, Greg.
They will also, undoubtedly, be caught the following week, tweeting: “Where are the STARS they’re talking about?! #DWTSIrl.”
They share space in a Venn diagram with the people who comment under articles going, “Who?”
2. The rabid fan
An aggressive live-tweeted, they’re quick to call you out on your lack of I’m A Celeb knowledge. They will also declare that this year has “the best lineup ever”.
They also definitely run fan accounts that they would NEVER in a million years admit to running.
3. The one-time-watcher
Tunes in for the launch episode, only to never watch again. The whole thing is on series link but … Would you be arsed?
They break their Rabid Fan friend’s heart over and over, with every question of “Did you see who went on Dancing On Ice this week?”
No she didn’t, Sharon. No she didn’t.
4. The lurker
Creeps the relevant show hashtags and follows all the social media accounts so as to be ‘in-the-know’ for the water cooler conversation. A lurker will never actually tune in though – they just don’t like being left out.
Technically, they don’t watch at all. And yet, they do. Like Big Brother himself.
5. The “I would rather DIE than lower myself to watching reality TV and it is imperative that I put up this tweet to make that clear”.
“Ireland’s Got Talent? I would rather stick pins in my eyes!”
Off you go so John. #LetPeopleEnjoyThings2018
