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Dublin: 5 °C Sunday 29 March, 2020
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25 rites of passage for every Irish woman

“Choose vodka and Chaka Khan like Bridget Jones.”

1. Sneak a bottle of prosecco onto a train and get rat-arsed before arriving at your destination.

2. Earnestly sip a drink from a penis straw.

3. Spend €95 in Penneys on God-knows-what just because you’re feeling a bit menstrual.

4. Manage to buy one of those fabled ‘it smells like Jo Malone’ candles or ‘it smells like Chanel No. 5′ perfumes from Aldi for €4 and spend next six months bragging about it.

5. Successfully avail of a student discount long after you leave university.

6. Take a lover during a holiday to Kos.

7. Order a decadent €10 gin and tonic (topped with berries and juniper, of course), take a photo and get 42 likes on Instagram.

8. Invest in a good pair of sunglasses and lose them after two weeks.

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9. Buy One Good Bra™ and keep it for seven years. (Wash it, oh, five times over said period.)

10. Declare you’re “done with weddings” having attended six in 12-month period. Mysteriously find yourself at a wedding in Co. Leitrim six months later and wonder how that happened.

11. Affect a high pitched voice to sing the girls’ part in Senorita (“I don’t know what I’m thinking about, really leaving with you”) with your mates.

12. Become fanatical about acquiring points on the Boots Advantage Card.

13. Find the perfect Nice Top for ‘nice top and jeans’ nights out.

14. Read Wild and seriously contemplate going on a three-month hike for a bit of quiet. Remember all the times you’ve thrown a strop about walking home from a night out and come to terms with the fact you probably wouldn’t survive in the wilderness. 

15. See a college-aged girl not wearing tights on a night out in November and worry aloud that she’ll catch pneumonia. Realise you’re becoming your Mam.

16. Watch Bridget Jones’ Diary and relate too hard to the scene where she eats muesli, downs vodka and dances to Chaka Khan.

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17. Buy a pair of running leggings on January 4th and genuinely think they’ll be the making of you. Accidentally forget to take up running and instead wear them while taking out the bins/watching six episodes of Friends while hungover.

18. Attend one spin class because every celebrity you follow on Instagram seems to swear by it. Spend following week moaning about how sore your poor arse is and Googling arse-related injuries.

19. Check in with yourself once a year to ask, “Do I fancy Michael Bublé?”

20. Feel a little tired and self-diagnose yourself as being anaemic. “I think I might be anaemic,” you say to anyone who’ll listen. Vow to buy one of those special tonics you’ve heard so much about, but spend the money on a Marks & Spencer meal deal instead.

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21. School a taxi driver on feminism/racism/homophobia.

22. Try to find a top that isn’t a crop top/cold shoulder top/bardot top/leotard and have a nervous breakdown. “I just want a sensible top with normal sleeves!!!”

23. Become unable to associate cranberry juice with anything other than UTIs.

24. Acquire a trolley token and come to regard it as a precious jewel. “How did I ever live without you?”

25. Become a BBC Good Food evangelist. Tell anyone who’ll listen that it’s a “great resource” and “better than Jamie Oliver”.

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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